


Fevered Dreams

by N1t3sh4d3



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Fever, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Japanese Shiro (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Multilingual Character, Paladin bond (Voltron), Paladins, Psychic Abilities, Psychic Bond, Samoan Hunk (Voltron), Sassy Pidge | Katie Holt, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Sickfic, Team Bonding, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-02-15 21:18:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 21,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13039608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/N1t3sh4d3/pseuds/N1t3sh4d3
Summary: Pidge seems to have caught space flu and has an obnoxiously high fever. Cryopods are out since it's just an illness. Take a delirious Pidge; a growing psychic bond between the Paladins; fears/secrets/insecurities that everyone tries to keep locked away and language confusion; what could possibly go wrong?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! This is my first fic for Voltron. Takes place during season 1 after Crystal Tears but before Collection and Extraction. This is going to explore my take on the Paladin bond, Quintessence and how everyone deals with all of the issues they all have. I am trying something with the dialogue that I've seen in a few other fics, like Bosstoaster and IcyPanther. There will be translations but it hopefully isn't necessary as the characters explain what is said to the others.

Pidge woke up to a pounding headache, feeling like she got hit by a truck and warm. Cursing quietly, she rolled out of bed and staggered into the bathroom. She looked pale but otherwise ok. “Come on. The guys need you. Training for a bit and then you can go hide in Green’s bay,” she muttered as she tried to steel herself for the day. After a few minutes she headed to the kitchen. Something smelled wonderful. “Are those pancakes??”

Hunk grinned. “I found something pretty close to flour at our last stop. Actually, they had the most earthlike foods we’ve seen so far. Coran and Allura said we can head back and get some more stuff. We were starting to talk comfort food when you got here.”

Pidge just nodded and dug in. They were sweeter than she was used to and a lot fluffier.

“Man, what I wouldn’t give for some picadillo or some Arrzo con Pollo. Or tres leche. Or garlic knots…” Lance began to look a bit misty eyed.

Hunk jumped in excitedly, “I know right?? I could make some pani popo. Or Alaisa fa'apopo. I would love some rice and coconuts right now.”

“Oh!! What was that thing you made with the pineapple that I thought was an empanada? Those were amazing!” Lance asked eagerly.

“Paifala? Those are only good with pineapple though. It doesn’t seem right when I try it with something else.” Hunk frowned a bit. “What about you Keith? Anything, you’re missing?”

Keith shrugged picking at his food, “Um, I don’t know. Mac and cheese? Brownies? Hot cocoa? I don’t really have a favorite.”

Hunk nodded a bit as Lance said, “How could I have forgotten brownies and hot cocoa? I love those! I lived off mac and cheese too much at the Garrison though.”

“That was NOT mac and cheese. That was atrocious.” Hunk stuck his nose up in the air as Keith and Lance grinned a bit.

Pidge had zoned out but jumped in with, “Oh, like food goo isn’t atrocious? I think it’s space mac and cheese.”

Shiro, who had been quietly listening, snickered at Hunk’s horrified, “Oh my god, you’re right!” He spoke up through everyone else’s laughter, “I could use some Tamago Kake Gohan or some miso. I haven’t had Okayu in ages either. Daifuku would be amazing right now though.”

Hunk nodded thoughtfully. “It seems like rice is the component we’re missing the most. What about you Pidge?”

Pidge blinked a bit. She was definitely starting to feel worse. The room seemed a bit fuzzy. What did Hunk ask her? Oh yeah, food she’s missing. Clearing her throat, which she noticed was a bit scratchier than earlier and said, “Ice cream and chicken soup.”

That got a chorus of agreements. Coran and Allura had been silently listening. As everyone settled down, they started asking questions. Pidge hadn’t even noticed she had laid her head down as the chatter continued to wash over her. It was comfortable here.


	2. Chapter 2

Shiro had been watching Pidge fade in and out since she walked in. At first, he assumed it was just another late-night tinkering, but when she laid her head down on the table he knew it was more than that. Getting up, he slipped over to her chair, noticing the concerned looks Hunk and Lance kept shooting him. He knelt down next to her chair and gently shook her, “Pidge? You feeling alright?” Pidge cracked an eye open and mumbled something at him. “What? I couldn’t understand you. Are you feeling ok?”

Pidge’s voice was stronger, but she didn’t sound like she was with them at all, “Shiro-kun? Watashi wa amari kanjite inai.” Her eye closed and she seemed to drift off.

Shiro looked at her in shock. Had she always known Japanese? He brushed her hair away from her forehead and placed his hand on it. She was burning up. He noticed the room was silent and looked up.

“Was that Japanese?” Lance asked incredulously. Shiro just nodded.

Allura and Coran looked confused. Hunk explained, “It’s another earth language. There’s a lot of them back home. Why didn’t the translator work on it though?”

“It didn’t work on the different foods you guys were naming either,” Keith pointed out.

“Well, what did she say?” Lance demanded.

“She doesn’t feel well.” Shiro shook himself out of his surprise, “She’s burning up. Let’s get her to the med bay.” He carefully picked her up and followed the others.

After a thorough exam, Coran seemed to think it was a bad flu. The pods wouldn’t work since it wasn’t a physical injury, so they would have to treat it like it normally would. They all agreed that setting her up in the rec room was probably the best, so they could keep an eye on her. Keith and Lance darted off to get blankets, pillows and water.  Hunk stepped closer to Coran and Allura to go over what medicines might work.

“How high is her temperature?” Hunk asked.

“105 according to your scales.” Coran announced. Hunk looked worried.

“We need to get that down as soon as possible,” Shiro stated.

“I’m not sure what kind of painkillers or fever reducers they have that will work for us. The best we can do for the moment is use a washcloth.” Hunk sounded unhappy, “Ice packs if we need to.”

Allura dashed to a cabinet and brought Shiro several small towels. “We need a bowl with cool water in it. Not too cold or it will shock her system and make things worse.” Shiro told her. Allura nodded and disappeared again.

A few moments later Lance came in, “We got the rec room set up. Should we move her now?”

Shiro looked at Hunk. Hunk nodded, “Get her comfortable. We’re getting a bag of fluids ready and going over some of the medicines now. Lance, go help Allura get some cool water. We’re going to work on bringing her temperature down the old-fashioned way. Here’s a scanner so we can keep an eye on that fever.”

Lance looked concerned but took the scanner and darted back out of the room. Shiro picked Pidge and made his way to the rec room. Keith was putting a few pillows on one of the couches. There was a pile of blankets nearby, as well as some light looking pajamas. Keith tried not to blush in embarrassment as Shiro noticed them. “Lance said lighter clothes might be better and I figured these would be good. I know I hate being in much of anything when I have a fever,” he said shifting his weight between his feet.

Shiro agreed. Pidge was almost sweating through her clothes. He looked up at Keith, his expression softening a bit as he realized the problem. “Why don’t you go see how Hunk and Coran are doing on that fluid pack? I’ll get her changed.” He almost smiled at the relief that flushed Keith’s face as he left. Shiro cautiously laid Pidge on the couch and grabbed the pajamas. They were a thin cottony material in deep green with a t-shirt like top and long pants. Shiro lightly shook Pidge. “Pidge. I need you to wake up.” Pidge mumbled again but didn’t move. Shiro tried again a bit more firmly, “Pidge. I need you to wake up.”

Pidge cracked an eye at him, so he continued, “You’re running a really high fever and we need to change your clothes.” She grumbled at the idea. Shiro softly tugged her arms to get her to sit up. “Come on Pidge, it’s just for a few minutes then you can go back to sleep,” he said gently as she sluggishly complied.

Pidge looked a bit confused, “Watashi wa Pidge wanai, watashi wa Katie. Anata wa daijōbudesuka?”

Shiro sighed a bit, “I know you’re Katie. I’m fine. You started going by Pidge recently. Do you remember?” He gently tugged at her shirt while talking. She slowly moved to take it off as he held up the nightshirt and looked away. He handed her the pants as she chuckled, “Awww. Senpai ga kidzuita.”

Shiro flushed slightly, “What!? No, Um… You’re a really sweet kid-“

Pidge laughed a bit harder, “Rirakkusu, ōkina kyōdai. Watashi wa tada no jōdandatta. Watashi ga Matto ni iu made matte kudasai.” Pidge looked confused again, “Mama, papa to Matto wa dokodesu ka?”

Shiro relaxed marginally at the teasing. He watched her as she laid back down, his lips in a thin line as the gravity of the last question sunk in, “Just rest. Everything is fine.” Pidge smiled softly at him as she drifted off. He sat down next to her after he dumped her clothes into a small pile on the floor and covered her with a blanket.

Lance, Allura and Keith walked in just then. Lance’s face was pinched in concern. “She doesn’t know where she is?” Keith dragged a table closer to the couch and Lance set down the bowl of water. Shiro dipped a washcloth and wrung it out before placing it on Pidge’s forehead. He shook his head, “I’m not sure where she thinks she is. I didn’t even know she was this fluent in Japanese. Matt and I used to tease her and start speaking it to annoy her. Hell, I’m not even that fluent anymore. How did you know she didn’t know where she was?”

“She asked about her parents and Matt. I heard Mama, Papa and Matt. That one was easy to figure out. She also forgot about being Pidge,” Lance answered. He plunged on at Shiro’s look of surprise, “We got here while she was changing and figured we’d wait. When we heard you remind her about being Pidge we decided to not to come in. Didn’t want to confuse her more. What was that other part about?”

Shiro flushed a bit, “She was just teasing me.”

Lance and Keith looked surprised. Shiro shifted uncomfortably then sighed in defeat as realization dawned on Lance’s face.

Shiro groaned, “Ok fine. She said something equivalent to confessing a crush. But then she called me her big brother and told me she was only kidding. She and Matt will tease me about this forever.”

Lance laughed at that. Keith looked stunned. Shiro sighed and dipped the washcloth into the cool water again.

Allura looked lost and asked, “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Shiro looked thoughtful as he placed the washcloth on Pidge’s forehead. “Do you have anything like tea?”

“Oooh that’s a great idea! Too bad they don’t have honey.” Lance looked at Allura. Allura just seemed confused. Lance sagged a bit. “Tea is usually some leaves or herbs steeped in water and honey is made by bees. It’s sweet and has medicinal properties.”

Allura perked up, “Then yes! I’ll see if Coran knows where our supply of cambrini is. I’m not sure if we have anything like ‘honey’ however.”

“I’m not sure she’d be able to stomach that now. It’s a great idea though,” Hunk walked in with Coran. “We have a few fluid bags and I think we have a medication that will work.”

“Let’s see if we can get her to wake up again. She’s not sure where she is. She’s been a bit delirious” Shiro warned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have accepted Bosstoaster's headcannon that Shiro moved to the US at a young age. He knows Japanese but has definitely lost fluency over the years. I also am going with the idea that Matt and Shiro are close friends and had been for a while therefore Pidge sees Shiro as another older brother. 
> 
> Translations (According to Google translate) :
> 
> Shiro-kun? Watashi wa amari kanjite inai. – Shiro? I don’t feel so good.
> 
> Watashi wa Pidge wanai, watashi wa Katie. Anata wa daijōbudesuka – My name isn’t Pidge, it’s Katie. Are you feeling ok?
> 
> Awww. Senpai ga kidzuita. – Awww. You noticed me. (Implied as a crush)
> 
> Rirakkusu, ōkina kyōdai. Watashi wa tada no jōdandatta. Watashi ga Matto ni iu made matte kudasai. – Relax, big brother. I was just joking. I can’t wait to tell Matt I got you with that!
> 
> Mama, papa Matto wa dokodesu ka? – Where’s Mom, Dad and Matt?


	3. Chapter 3

Pidge was laying on something soft. She heard voices. They sounded worried. She fought her way to consciousness again as a cool cloth was placed on her head. Gradually opening her eyes, she saw blobs of Black, Blue, Pink and Red. That was important. Why was that important? The Blue blob paced a bit as his words flowed. It was relaxing. He had a nice, soothing voice. She noticed a Yellow blob and a White blob come in. Everyone seemed to calm a bit. There was something she was missing. The Black blob turned towards her again. It was on her left side near her head. The Yellow and White blobs headed around to her right side. The Blue one slipped up next to the Black one and sat down closer to her side.

“Pid-. Katie. Can you wake up all the way for me? We have some medicine that may help and an IV of fluids for you.” The Black blob’s voice was gentle but firm. She knew that voice. She blinked a bit harder to clear her sight. Suddenly, Shiro came into focus. He smiled a little at her.

“How are you feeling?” She turned her eyes to the Blue figure. Who was that? He looked vaguely familiar and it nagged at the back of her mind.

“Katie,” she shifted her focus to Shiro again, “We have an IV and some medicine for you. Will you let us use it?”

Why would she need medicine or an IV? They weren’t in a hospital. Was she sick? Why did she feel like she was swimming in pudding? Why were they so worried?

Shiro noticed her confused expression. “Katie, you’re very sick. We need to use these things to help you feel better.” She nodded slowly at his explanation.

“I need you to keep your arm still for me. It’ll be a little prick, but you know how IVs are. The medicine will follow shortly. I’ll see what we can cook up for you to eat.” Her eyes shifted up to Yellow and White figures. Familiarity tugged at the back of her mind. These colors were important. These figures were so familiar. Why couldn’t she focus? She tensed when a hand came down on her right arm and fear spiked through her.

She felt a cool hand slip into hers. “Hey, this is nothing. You’ll be fine. Hunk’s just going to help Coran put the IV in. Maybe then he can figure out how to make chicken noodle soup.” Hunk? Coran? She felt like she should know these names. Everything was so sluggish. Pidge looked at the Blue figure and let his words wash over her. It was so soothing. She didn’t even feel the prick of the IV.

“All done now Number Five. You should be feeling better in no time!” the White blob said cheerfully. “I’ve started the fluids and the medicine should be mixing in a moment. And there.”

“Katie? You still with us?” Shiro’s voice cut through her haze. She looked at him again and nodded slowly. The world was coming more into focus now. She felt light though. She blinked lethargically. Things were fading a bit. Her mouth felt like cotton. She didn’t really want to fall asleep yet. Black spots were clouding her vision. She felt even hotter than before. Something wasn’t right. Fear spiked through her again.

“Cut it off! Get more water into her. Something isn’t right! Katie, stay with us.” Shiro snapped out orders as he saw the fear race over her face and felt her temperature rise. Pidge faintly saw the Blue one hand Yellow an object.

Yellow started grumbling angrily at it. “Damnit!! Her fever is up to 105.5 now. Is there anything safer we can try Coran? Something usually used for kids? This stuff is too strong. I’m turning up the flow on the water bag, that should help flush this out.”

“We can try diluting this more. This is the most basic medication we have.” Coran sounded concerned as he and Hunk left for the med bay.

A thumb slowly circled the back of her hand, “Shhhhh. It’s ok. You’re going to be fine.” Her eyes drifted over to the Blue figure. Shiro placed another washcloth on her forehead. She felt calmer. “How do you feel?” the voice asked again.

She was thirsty she realized. She wanted water. Wait, water. Blue. Ocean. Waves. Surfing. Words. Family. Pain. Doubt. Sadness. Loss. Crying. Failure. Useless. Love. Protection. She stared at the Blue figure. Something tickled even more insistent at her mind.

 

Lance started to get nervous. Pidge was just staring at him. Almost like she could see his soul. He kept up the gentle pressure on her hand but cleared his throat. “Um, Shiro?”

Shiro glanced over at Lance and then noticed Pidge’s laser focus on him. “Katie? You ok there? You still with us?”

Pidge heard Shiro’s words, but it was drowned out by the peaceful feeling she had. Memories? Thought? Words? Something washed over her. She wasn’t sure which way was up, only that she knew this person. She squeezed his hand a bit harder. More images flashed through her mind. A large family. The Garrison. Sneaking out with Hunk. Iverson yelling. Crashing the simulator. The wreck in desert. Finding Shiro. Blue Lion.

Blue Lion.

Five lions.

Red, Black, Green, Yellow and Blue.

Voltron.

Panic edged around her consciousness. It wasn’t hers though. She realized it was his. He was worried about her. She is scaring him. Why was she scaring him?

Family.

Protect.

Her eyes snapped open. When had they closed? She pinned him with her gaze again. He was gaping at her. Had they shared the moment? He glanced down at their hands. She was almost white knuckled holding it. Embarrassment flooded through her. She let go of his hand quickly and tried to scoot back but dizziness washed over her.

“Are you guys ok? What happened?” the Red figure was talking. The Pink one placed a hand on his arm, as if to tell him to stay.

“That looked pretty intense. You alright?” Shiro asked looking at her mildly. She wanted to nod but nausea and dizziness made the room tilt. They must have realized what was next because she had been dragged up and a bucket placed in her arms. After emptying what little was on her stomach, embarrassment made itself known. She felt weak. “Sumimasen, gomen'nasai. Lo siento. Gomen'nasai. Lo siento. Gomen'nasai. Lo siento.” She kept mumbling as she slumped onto the couch and closed her eyes. Lance and Shiro exchanged a look.

“Shiro? Lance? What’s going on?” Keith and Allura had been holding back but after Pidge got sick they came close to the couch.

“Does she even know Spanish?” Shiro asked cautiously.

Lance looked confused, “I don’t know.”

“What about when you were holding her hand?”

“Pidge let you hold her hand? What’s the world coming to?” Hunk snarked as he and Coran entered.

Lance paused, “It was almost like when we found Blue. We all got images and feelings, right? But she was looking at _my_ memories and feelings. I saw a bunch of stuff from home. Then it was more specific. It was like she was…flipping through my mind? Then she found the night Shiro crashed and the day we found Blue. It wasn’t…intrusive. Just weird. Like when Blue wants to know more but doesn’t want to push. She seemed like she was looking for something.”

If Shiro, Keith and Hunk looked surprised at the statement, Allura and Coran looked shocked. “Pidge was just rifling around? That could be so dangerous! You aren’t trained in psychic abilities!” Allura was getting frantic.

Lance turned and let Pidge’s hand go. He put his hands on Allura’s shoulders and held her gaze. “I’m ok. I’m trying to describe something… I don’t have words for. It wasn’t like rifling. It was more like…. turning the pages of a book? She was being very gentle, and it didn’t seem like she knew what she was doing either. It really did feel like the way Blue gets when she’s nosing around through our connection.”

The other three nodded in understanding. “Let’s see about this new dose. Keep a close eye on her,” Hunk said. Coran slowly added the new mixture to the water pouch. Lance slipped his hand back into Pidge’s and Shiro kept a close watch on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations (According to Google Translate):
> 
> Sumimasen, gomen'nasai. Lo siento. Gomen'nasai. – Excuse me, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.


	4. Chapter 4

Voltron. Lions. Red. Blue. Black. Green. Yellow. Home. Family. These images floated through her mind aimlessly. Shiro had crashed on Earth. But he was training with Matt for Kerberous, right? Crashing the flight simulator. She knew those guys. Yellow and Blue. No, wait. They had names. Who were they?

Hunk.

Coran.

No. That wasn’t quite right.

Yellow. Hunk. Yellow. Hunk! Hunk was Yellow. He cooks. He’s the engineer. He puked in the gearbox.

Coran. Coran. That floated too far away.

Blue.

Blue. Ocean. Waves. Family. Love. Calm. Tempest. Surfing. Family. Flying. Free. Doubt. Sadness. Loss. Failure. Useless. Crying. Lion. Happy. Soothing. Love. Family. Peace. Protection. Cold. Ice.

“-ie, can you hear me? Katie?”

Who was Katie?

“Come on. I know you’re there. Katie, open your eyes.”

Was someone calling to her? She struggled to open her eyes, but they wouldn’t move. Fingers curled around her hand. Cool. Soothing. She was safe. It was nice here. The fingers curled a bit tighter. She could start to feel the panic again. She had upset someone. They were scared. She felt her fingers twitch a bit. A sigh of relief came from the person holding her hand. “Pidge? Can you open your eyes? Please? We need to make sure you’re ok.” Fingers squeezed her hand again. She squeezed back firmer. After what seemed like an eternity her eyes finally opened.

Shiro was dabbing at her forehead with a damp cloth again. He was trying to look calm, but she knew that tightness in his face. He was scared. Her eyes drifted over to the person sitting next to her. Lance looked almost panicked.

Wait.

Lance.

Blue.

Lance.

Blue.

Lance was Blue. The pilot. The one that found the Blue Lion. He had a big family. He was always joking. But it hid his pain. Was he really that sad? He shouldn’t be sad. Lance was fun.

Thirst hit her suddenly. She swallowed a bit to help her throat. He caught the movement.

“Pidge? How are you?”

“Necestio agua,” she croaked out.

He helped her sit up a bit, then Shiro took over. Lance brought a glass of water to her lips. With Shiro holding her propped up she was able to drink most of it, although slowly.

“How do you feel?”

How did she feel? She was still very fuzzy. She had scared them badly though. She could tell from the strained looks and the tension that was in the room.

“No me siento bien. Todo es borroso. Lo siento…. Perdón por asustarte.”

“No, no, no. Don’t apologize. We’re dealing with alien medication. No one knows how we’ll react to it. It’s not your fault. Now, how bad is the fuzziness? Is it your eyes? Or your head?” Lance kept his voice steady, but she could feel…fear?

“Mi cabeza.”

“Do you know who you are?” Lance asked.

“Me llamo Pidge.”

Shiro and Lance exchanged a look. Lance continued softly, “Do you know who we are?”

“Sí. Eres Lance. Él es Shiro.”

“You remember Lance?” Shiro asked.

“Hai! Sore wa sukoshi kakarimashita.” Pidge replied.

“Wait. What’s going on here?” Keith demanded, “What did she say?”

“I’m not really sure. She told me it took a while to remember Lance.” Shiro answered.

“But why is she switching languages?” Hunk looked concerned.

Pidge squeezed Lance’s hand and a small growl of frustration came out. Lance looked a bit surprised but met her eyes.

“¿Quién es el rojo?”

Lance froze. Pidge just looked confused. Lance’s eyes flashed to Shiro, but he was trying to figure out an answer Keith’s question. Lance met Hunk’s eyes in a bit of a panic. Hunk looked just as concerned. He could guess what Pidge had asked.

“Eso es Keith.” Lance answered quietly. “¿Reconoces a alguien más?”

“¡Sí! ¡Amarillo es Hunk! ¿De la guarnición? El ingeniero. No sé quién es blanco o rosado.”

Lance paled at that. The others noticed the exchange.

“Colors. She’s asking about colors?” Keith looked confused.

“You know Spanish?” Hunk asked.

“Just the very basics.”

“¿Cómo me recuerdas?” Lance forced out.

Pidge looked confused. She held up their hands. “Agua. Azul. Paz. Familia. Imágenes y sentimientos.”

Lance looked even paler.

Pidge got very concerned, “¿No eres como mi hermano? Somos un orgullo? ¿Algo sobre los Leones? No recuerdo ahora.”

“Lance?” Shiro put a hand on his shoulder. “What’s going on?”

Lance swallowed a bit trying to compose himself, “She asked who the red one was. She said she knew yellow was Hunk. The engineer from the Garrison but she doesn’t know who the pink and white ones are. She thinks…she thinks I’m her brother. She doesn’t really remember other than feelings and images and something about lions.”

Shiro sucked his breath in and looked down at Pidge in shock. Pidge felt the emotion exude from Shiro. She quickly grabbed his hand in her other.

“Watashi wa anata ga watashi no kyōdai demonai koto o imi shimasendeshita! Watashi wa anata o yoku shitte imasu. Ransu wa chotto chigatte imasu. Ochitsuite?” she shook her head in aggravation. Her head was starting to pound.

Shiro gently squeezed her hand, “I never thought that. I know I’m like a brother to you. Yes, Lance can be calming. It’s just hard to hear you don’t remember everyone.”

The world was hazing out again. “Gomennasai. Lo siento. No sé lo que está pasando. Watashi wa nani ga okotte iru no ka wakaranai.”

“Hunk!”

“On it! It looks like her fever’s come down but it’s still high. She’s at 104. I’m not sure I want to risk any more of that medicine.”

“I quite agree. Is there anything you can think of that we can try?” Coran asked.

“If we were home, I’d have her take some acetaminophen. The fluids are good.” Shiro said and Hunk nodded.

“Watashi wa konpyūta de kihon-tekina igaku kagōbutsu o puroguramu shita.” Pidge murmured half asleep.

Shiro stopped and gaped at Pidge. “What? When? Coran and Hunk have been working on this all day!”

“Shiro? What is it?” Hunk looked confused.

“Pidge? Pidge?” Shiro tried to move his hand to shake her but she clung to it.

Lance lightly tapped her arm, “Pidge, we need you to wake up.”

“Lo siento. Estoy tan cansado.”

“I know you are. What did you tell Shiro?”

“Programé los compuestos médicos básicos en la computadora.”

Lance’s eyes widened as he met Shiro’s gaze. Forcing calm, he asked, “Where is it? Coran and Hunk didn’t find anything earlier today.”

“Oh, todavía debe estar en mi almohadilla. Creí que lo había subido.”

“Hunk get her pad.”

Keith let out a frustrated noise as Hunk ran back in. “What am I looking for?”

“She said she had the basic medical compounds uploaded into the computer. When I pointed out we couldn’t find it, she figured it was still on her pad.”

“Got it! Coran?” Hunk handed the pad to Coran.

“Oh, is this all? Well that won’t take but a few doboshes. Let’s go Number 2!” Coran darted out with Hunk hot on his heels.

“This has to be the strangest day. How can she –“ Lance stopped and started to sag into the chair. His eyes closing.

“Lance! Are you-“ Shiro’s shout was cut off as he seemed to fade as well.

“Lance! Shiro!” Keith and Allura’s voices seemed so far away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations (according to Google Translate):
> 
> Necestio agua – I need water
> 
> No me siento bien. Todo es borroso. Lo siento…. Perdón por asustarte. – I don’t feel very good. Everything is fuzzy. I’m sorry. Sorry I scared you.
> 
> Mi cabeza- My head
> 
> Me llamo Pidge – My name is Pidge
> 
> Sí. Eres Lance. Él es Shiro.– Yes. You’re Lane. He’s Shiro.
> 
> Hai! Sore wa sukoshi kakarimashita – Yes. It took a while.
> 
> “¿Quién es el rojo?”– Who is the red one?
> 
> Eso es Keith – That’s Keith
> 
> ¿Reconoces a alguien más? – Do you recognize anyone else?
> 
> ¡Sí! ¡Amarillo es Hunk! ¿De la guarnición? El ingeniero. No sé quién es blanco o rosado. - Yes! Yellow is Hunk! From the garrison? The engineer. I don't know who white or pink are.
> 
> ¿Cómo me recuerdas? – How did you remember me?
> 
> Agua. Azul. Paz. Familia. Imágenes y sentimientos. - Water. Blue. Peace. Family. Images and feelings.
> 
> ¿No eres como mi hermano? Somos un orgullo? ¿Algo sobre los Leones? No recuerdo ahora. - Aren't you like my brother? Are we a pride? Something about lions? I don't remember now.
> 
> Watashi wa anata ga watashi no kyōdai demonai koto o imi shimasendeshita! Watashi wa anata o yoku shitte imasu. Ransu wa chotto chigatte imasu. Ochitsuite? - I didn't mean you're not my brother! I know you better. Lance just feels different. Calm?
> 
> Gomennasai. Lo siento. No sé lo que está pasando. Watashi wa nani ga okotte iru no ka wakaranai. - I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong.
> 
> Watashi wa konpyūta de kihon-tekina igaku kagōbutsu o puroguramu shita. - I uploaded the basic medical compounds to the computer
> 
> Lo siento. Estoy tan cansado.” - I’m sorry. I’m so tired
> 
> Programé los compuestos médicos básicos en la computadora. - I uploaded the basic medical compounds to the computer
> 
> Oh, todavía debe estar en mi almohadilla. Creí que lo había subido. - Oh, it should still be on my pad then. I thought I uploaded it.


	5. Chapter 5

Pidge was floating. It was calm. Blue curled around her. Black floated around but it wasn’t frightening. It was comforting. She saw Red and Pink further away. Yellow and White even further than that. Something was missing. Flashes of green poked at the edges of her vision. Black felt like it was prowling around.

Black. Leader. Sorrow. Pain. Failure. Undeserving. Weapon. Blood. Lonely. Protection. Family. Love. Homesick.

She felt Blue wrap around Black as well. She clung tight to Black. Love. Family. Love. Comfort. She couldn’t tell which was her or Blue. Black seemed to soak it up. Green flared stronger against her eyes.

Green. That was _really_ important.

Lions. Voltron. Galra. The gladiator ring. Pain. Keith. Happiness. Castle. Responsibility. Allura. Coran. Safe. Family. Matt. Shiro. Weapon. Pain. Anguish. Family. Love. Protect.

Red was Keith.

Pink was Allura.

White was Coran.

Family. Safe.

Black was Shiro. She knew that. She had known that from the start. She knew Shiro. He used to tease her about her anime choices. He was kind and a great leader. He had saved Matt.

Wait, why did Matt need to be saved? They were in space? Robot Lions? Things began to jumble. Green pulsed through her but in her panic, she didn’t notice. Blue and Black curled tighter around her. She began to calm. They gently tugged her towards consciousness.

“-ce? Shiro? Pidge? You guys ok?” Red, no Keith, was asking frantically.

“Yeah… just give me a sec.” Shiro managed some deep breaths.

“Oh, my head.” Lance grumbled.

“What happened?” Allura demanded.

“I’m not really sure.” Shiro said.

“It was like last time. But she dragged us in. I don’t think she even knew she did it.” Lance said, “I tried to push information at her this time. I think she remembers you guys now.”

“You’re right. It is like the lion’s communicating. I’m not sure she remembers Green right now though.” Shiro agreed, “She definitely saw some of my memories this time. It didn’t seem to surprise her though. I think it has to do with holding our hands. Gives us a better connection, if you will.” Shiro gently untangled his hand from hers.

Pidge tried to open her eyes. She could hear them talking. She felt Shiro pull away and became sad. Shiro and Lance needed hugs. They weren’t failures. They shouldn’t be sad. But Matt. Where was Matt? If Shiro was here…. Pidge groaned as her head pounded even harder.

“Pidge? You there?”

“Sumimasen. Watashi wa siempre tan cansado,” she mumbled at them as she drifted back off.

Shiro and Lance had been watching her. That took them both aback. Lance looked questioningly at Shiro. “The first part was her apologizing.”

Lance nodded in understanding, “she said she’s always so tired.”

Hunk had wandered back in during their little blackout. Shiro noticed him and how uncomfortable he looked. Shiro raised his eyebrows a bit. Hunk just sighed. 

“Ok. So, good news and bad news. Good news: we now have all the data uploaded to the computer. Most of it is relatively easy to find. Bad news: they don’t have all the ingredients. But there is a place nearby that we can stock up or buy similar things.” Hunk looked a bit defeated, “I’m worried about that fever. It hasn’t budged much, and it’s been almost 12 vargas. She can’t keep this up. Especially, if she’s doing some crazy psychic stuff. That’s gotta be using energy.”  

Lance shifted a bit at that. Hunk zeroed in on him, “What did you do?”

The others looked at Lance. He shifted a bit more uneasily but didn’t answer. Then he looked up at Hunk. “Hey, do you actually speak Samoan?”

Hunk just stared at him, “Seriously? Nuh-uh, I asked you something first. What did you do?”

Shiro looked at Lance. Lance looked a little guilty but then something in his stance hardened, “I gave her some energy, ok? She’s been running low and it was a lot worse this time. Whatever that medicine was supposed to do it just made her weaker. I’m not going to apologize.” Hunk wilted a bit at that.

Allura looked taken aback, “Your quintessence is different than hers. It was a very dangerous thing to do. If she hadn’t been able to merge with it, you both would have been harmed.”

Lance shook his head, “No, we’re both Earthlings and Green is Yellow and Blue combined. She already has some of my color in her system. It seemed like the right thing to do.”

Allura looked like she wanted to argue.

Shiro now saw how much paler Lance was but couldn’t really blame him. If he had noticed, he would have done the same. He was so busy trying to redirect Pidge from looking at his memories he hadn’t. Then he realized, “You were keeping her calm and engaged, so she wouldn’t go skimming through my mind.”

Lance sagged in relief, “Yeah. I wasn’t prepared, but I didn’t really mind. I know you have stuff you’re keeping from us. Trying to protect us from. I figured it would be better to keep her busy than let her just go digging.” Lance ignored Shiro’s minor flinch. He looked at Hunk, “So, do you actually speak Samoan?”

“No, not really. I mean, you know how it is, little phrases here and there. I know the names of dishes and probably some bad words. Like stuff my mom would yell when she got mad. Why, what are you thinking?” Hunk was curious at this point.

“Well, if she’s picking up the languages from us then she won’t know much Samoan. We can’t really use Keith as a test, since English is her native language.” Lance explained.

“Wait. Shiro, I thought you didn’t know that much Japanese? How could you follow the part about uploading the data?” Keith asked.

“I understand better than I speak it. I haven’t spoken it regularly in about 15 years. Matt was a big anime fan and we would watch it. There’s a lot of specific terms used. Especially in sci-fi based ones. Although, I did get the gist of what she was saying better than I would have.”

“Dude, I am NOT watching Evangelion again.” Hunk groaned.

“Gundam all the way, right?” Lance smirked at him

“Heathen.”

Shiro started to laugh, “Why should we bother watching it? We’re living it.”

“Did you forget how these things end?” Hunk looked astounded.

“Nope. We’re so much more awesome than they were.” Lance shot back, “Besides I thought space would be more Cowboy Bebop. I think Pidge is secretly Radical Edward.”

“Actually, I think we’re closer to Magic Knight Rayearth.” Shiro shrugged at the appalled looks he got, “Pidge liked it. Made us watch it with her. It only had Blue, Green and Red though.”

“Now I’m really insulted.” Hunk grumbled.

“What are you guys talking about?” Keith felt lost.

“We’ll show you sometime. I know Pidge has some around. Hunk come sit here and hold her hand. Let’s give this a try.” Shiro replied.

Hunk handed the scanner to Shiro as he sits down by her right side. Shiro checks Pidge again. Still 104. He sits back down on the left next to Lance and starts to apply the cool washcloth again. Taking a deep breath Hunk slips his hand between Pidge’s. Suddenly, he seems to collapse down. Lance noticed and shuts his eyes, following Hunk under.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations are going to get weird here. Basically, Pidge is picking up languages of people she touches. She's going to start jumbling them together while here fever is really high, exhausted or really delirious. Also, I know I'm showing my age with the references. ;)
> 
> Translations (according to Google Translate):  
> Sumimasen. Watashi wa siempre tan cansado – (Japanese) I’m sorry. I am (Spanish) always so tired.


	6. Chapter 6

Pidge is floating again. The memories? Feelings? Images? Whatever she gleaned from Shiro drifted through her mind. She feels green energy pulsing around her, but she can’t quite place where it is. She looks for the others. Black and Blue are where they have been the whole time. Red is pacing a bit. Pink and White are further away. Yellow is on her other side.

Yellow. Stable. Sturdy. Family. Safe. Caring. Food. Comfort. Homesick. Anxious. Worry. Tinkering. Machines. Lions. Love. Family. Cuddles. Protect. Safe.

She feels Yellow wraps around her, steadying and sturdy. Blue wraps around both of them. Love. Family. Protect. She feels energy flow into her. Looking down she sees Yellow and Blue blending together.

Green? Green is the most important thing. Why is it the most important thing? Something is nudging the back of her mind. Energy, sometimes more Yellow, sometimes more Blue tries to blend. Green. She thinks she hears a purr. Green… She is Green. She looks down at her hands and sees the energy solidifying into a nice forest green. Yellow and Blue pulse with happiness. This is a big step. But why? As if sensing her confusion Yellow pulls her closer.

Garrison. Simulator crash. Iverson. Roof. Scared of the unknown. A crash. Explosions. Running to save someone. Balancing on a speeder bike. Getting yelled at. The diagram that matches the mountains. Nervous. Finding the Blue Lion. Flying. Homesick. Cooking. Voltron. Family. Warmth. Shay. Balmera. Robeast. Paladin. Safe. Protect. Love.

Voltron? Lions? Robeast? She starts to get confused again. Sensing her uneasiness Blue snuggles closer and calms her. Once again, she is slowly tugged to consciousness by Blue and this time Yellow.

“You ok there big guy?” Shiro asks.

“Just…whew, that was a bit…I just need a minute.” Hunk seems out of breath.

“Lance! Tell me you didn’t give her more quintessence! You’re looking so pale.” Allura sounds overwrought.

“I’m…I’m OK. Just, just.. need… some water. It’s nothing. She remembers Green now.” Lance sounds exhausted.

“It’s not nothing! You are draining yourself by doing this!”

“We had to. I get what Lance was saying before. She was trying to figure out what’s going on but she’s so low on quintessence she’s having trouble putting it together. The fever isn’t helping at all. I think that’s what’s actually draining her. When we mixed the energy and she saw green it sparked the memory. She at least knows she’s Green now.” Hunk said.

“You… You mixed your energy?”

“It wasn’t pretty, but it worked. Plus, the extra boost will help her recover quicker. I hope.” Hunk mutters.

No. No. This isn’t right. Energy going to her from them? Quintessence. She almost has it, but it vanishes. She feels the sturdy grip on her right and a lighter one on her left. A cool cloth is pressed to her forehead again. Pushing as hard as she can she forces her eyes open.

Hunk looks a bit ragged but seems ok. Allura was pacing like a caged animal muttering to herself. Lance. Lance looked like he hadn’t slept in a week. Unconsciously, she tightened her grip on both their hands.

“Hey Pidge, how you doing?” Hunk looks down at her fondly.

“Welcome back. Feeling any better?” Lance acts nonchalant about everything.

Pidge glares at Lance and pulls her hand free from Hunk’s grip. She starts to pound on Lance’s chest as she yells, “¡Eres muy estúpido! Baka! Oe valea! ¿Que estabas pensando? ¡No me envíe su energía! Deja de hacerte daño por mi bien! No tienes que probar nada. No eres un faluire. Eres mi hermano ahora. ¿Por qué crees que vales menos que yo? No eres un faluire.”

Everyone stares at her stunned. She’s never been this angry before. It was obvious her hits were very weak. Pidge had dissolved into tears by the end, but they could see whatever she said had an immense impact on Lance. He sits stunned for a moment as Pidge continues to sob.

Gradually, he wraps his arms around her, “Lo siento. No estaba tratando de lastimarme a mí mismo. Solo quería ayudarte. Para asegurarte de que te sientas mejor. No me gusta hacer llorar a mi hermana.” He gently wipes the tears away as she finally starts to quiet down, “No más llorando ahora.” He presses a kiss into her hair.

“Lance? Pidge?” Shiro feels like he’s intruding but something major just happened, he has a vague idea of what, and he wants to make sure everything is alright. He can tell Keith and Hunk got the gist of what was said too.

Lance flashed a bright smile at him, “She just thinks I’m an idiot like Allura does.”

Pidge rolls her eyes at him. Hunk decides now is a good time to test their theory. He motions for Shiro to scan her again and asks, “Well, now that you let everyone know how stupid you think Lance is, how are you feeling?” Shiro flashes the scanner at him. 103. Progress!

Pidge considers it for a moment. She’s a bit clearer but still so tired and weak. She’s hungry but her stomach recoils at the thought of food. Water? That seems to be a safe idea. She turns to Hunk to answer but nothing seems to come. She tries again. A small growl of aggravation leaves her.

Hunk, Lance and Shiro notice the frustration growing on Pidge’s face. It seems as if whatever she wants to say isn’t coming out. Lance flashes a look to Shiro and then squeezes Pidge’s hand.

Pidge turns to Lance, frustrated beyond belief. “No puedo hablar samoano! No puedo hablar con él. Necesito agua.”

Lance nods. “She needs some water and her Samoan is terrible.”

Pidge sticks her tongue out at Lance, “Eso no es lo que yo dije!”

Lance only smirks at her. Pidge returns the look, “¡Le diré a Shiro exactamente lo que dije antes!”

The grin vanishes off Lance’s face. “Traitor.”

Shiro rubs his eyes, “Lance, be nice.”

“She started it!”

“What are you, five?”

Pidge starts laughing, “Anata wa ki ga kurutta chichi no yōna monodesu. Sorede oshimai! Watashi wa kimemashita, anata wa ima watashitachi no uchū no otōsandesu!”

“Hey, that’s not funny! I’m not cranky and I’m not that much older than you! You can’t just decide that!”

“Lance-chan, Hunk-kun, Keith-san wa ima anata no musukodesu. Watashi wa kimeta.”

Shiro’s eyes twinkle a bit at that, “Sore wa anata ga watashi no airashī chīsana musumedearu koto o imi shimasu ka? Anata wa ima Pidge-chandesu!”

Pidge’s eyes narrow dangerously, “Watashi wa anata no o shiri o keru koto ga dekimasu. Watashi wa kawaīdesu!”

Shiro doubles over in laughter. Lance, Hunk and Keith again get the basic idea of what happened, but Lance finally asks, “What did you do to him?”

Pidge pouts, “He decidido que él es nuestro papá espacial ahora. Tu, Hunk y Keith ahora son mis hermanos para siempre. ¡Entonces él dijo que yo era su hija adorable! ¡No soy bonita!”

Lance starts laughing really hard as well, “¿Padre espacial? ¿Hija adorable?”

Pidge pouts harder, loving the fact that she got Shiro and Lance to laugh this hard, and forcing the exhaustion back.

Lance fights off some more laughter at Keith and Hunk’s sour faces, “She decided that Shiro is now our Space Dad and we’re her brothers. Then he told her that he decided she was the adorable daughter. She also insists she isn’t cute.”

Shiro stops laughing long enough to add, “She threatened to kick my butt.”

Keith and Hunk start to snicker, “I’d pay to see that.”

Keith’s laughter dies, as he looks at Pidge carefully, “Are you sure… you want _me_ as a brother?”

That sobers everyone. Pidge looks sadly at Keith and holds out her right hand. She’s been fighting to stay awake for the fun but now it’s caught up to her. She needs to let Keith know she thinks he’s worth it. Keith carefully sits down and holds her hand. Lance had picked up her hand again after the hug. He continues to rub gentle circles on it. There’s no warning this time as all three of them flop bonelessly down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations (according to Google Translate):
> 
> “¡Eres muy estúpido! Baka! Oe valea! ¿Que estabas pensando? ¡No me envíe su energía! Deja de hacerte daño por mi bien! No tienes que probar nada. No eres un faluire. Eres mi hermano ahora. ¿Por qué crees que vales menos que yo? No eres un faluire.” - 
> 
> You are so stupid! Stupid! Stupid! What were you thinking? Don’t send me your energy! Stop hurting yourself for my benefit! You don’t have to prove anything. You are not a failure. You are my brother now. Why do you think you're worth less than me? You are not a failure.
> 
>  
> 
> Lo siento. No estaba tratando de lastimarme a mí mismo. Solo quería ayudarte. Para asegurarte de que te sientas mejor. No me gusta hacer llorar a mi hermana. No más llorando ahora - I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to hurt myself. I only wanted to help you. To make sure you feel better. I don’t like to make my sister cry. No more crying now.
> 
>  
> 
> No puedo hablar samoano! No puedo hablar con él. Necesito agua. - I can’t speak Samoan. I can’t talk to him. I need water.
> 
> “Eso no es lo que yo dije!” - That’s not what I said!
> 
> “¡Le diré a Shiro exactamente lo que dije antes!” - I’ll tell Shiro exactly what I said before!”
> 
> Anata wa ki ga kurutta chichi no yōna monodesu. Sorede oshimai! Watashi wa kimemashita, anata wa ima watashitachi no uchū no otōsandesu!” - 
> 
> You're just like a cranky father. That's it! I've decided, you're now our space dad!
> 
>  
> 
> “Lance-chan, Hunk-kun, Keith-san wa ima anata no musukodesu. Watashi wa kimeta.” - Lance, Hunk and Keith are now your sons. I have decided.
> 
> “Sore wa anata ga watashi no airashī chīsana musumedearu koto o imi shimasu ka? Anata wa ima Pidge-chandesu!” - Does that mean you are my adorable little daughter? You are now Pidge-chan!
> 
> Watashi wa anata no o shiri o keru koto ga dekimasu. Watashi wa kawaīdesu!” - I can kick your butt! I am not cute!
> 
>  
> 
> He decidido que él es nuestro papá espacial ahora. Tú, Hunk y Keith ahora son mis hermanos para siempre. ¡Entonces él dijo que yo era su hija adorable! ¡No soy bonita! -
> 
> I decided that he is our space dad now. You, Hunk and Keith are now my brothers forever. Then he said I was his adorable daughter! I'm not cute!
> 
>  
> 
> “¿Padre espacial? ¿Hija adorable?” - Space dad? Adorable daughter?


	7. Chapter 7

Pidge was floating again. Blue was curled next to her. Red stalked back and forth. Images flood in immediately.

Red. Fire. Passion. Anger. Frustration. Movement. Rage. Protection. Loyalty. Pain. Love. Volcano. Lava. Loneliness. Betrayal. Alone.

Pidge wraps herself around Red. Blue curls around both. Love. Family. Belong. Love. Needed. Comfort. Again, she doesn’t know if it’s her or Blue but she dumps as much love and belonging as she can into Red. Green flares.

Red. Shiro. Loneliness. Flying. Speeder. Explosions. Outsider. Alone. Fear. Wanting to belong. Allura. Coran. Castle. Lions. Voltron. Galra. Lance crumpled next to Shiro. Pidge in Sendak’s hand. Fear. Rage.

Lance was hurt? Galra? Voltron? Things jumble. Red and Blue pulses ripple over her. She tries to keep pushing all the love she can at Red. He’s not alone! He’s part of the family too. Blue snuggles closer. She calms a bit. Green flares brighter. She reaches out to Red with it and wraps him up in it. Safe. Home. Loved. Blue gently tugs her toward consciousness again. She wants to keep helping Red. Red snuggles closer to her and helps Blue awaken her.

“Keith! Lance! Pidge!” someone is panicking. Hunk? Everything hurts. She’s exhausted. She wants to go back to sleep.

“Keith, you ok?” Shiro. He sounds worried.

“Yeah. It was…intense. I just…just a minute.”

“Lance? Lance buddy, come on. Are you with me?” Hunk is starting to sound frantic, “Tell me you didn’t give her any more energy.”

“I’m here. Just tired. Takes a lot out of you.” Lance sounds so exhausted, “No. I didn’t. Pidge would have kicked my ass if I had.”

Good. He listened. Pidge is ready to go back to sleep. Everyone seems fine.

“What happened?” Shiro asked.

“Same as all the others. She pulled us under again.” Lance replied wearily.

“It felt really weird. I could see and feel what was happening, but it was like I was a bystander. Like I was watching a video.” Keith sounded a bit uncomfortable, “There were some really intense feelings though.”

“She was really trying to make you feel loved and included.” Lance explains.

“Wait, you felt that?”

“Yeah. I mean, I felt the other ones too but this one was the most intense. I didn’t _see_ many images, but I caught flashes of feelings. Especially the ones Pidge was dumping into you. She was trying to show you what you mean to us.”

Keith just stares at him in disbelief.

“Pidge. Pidge, I need you to wake up for a moment.” Shiro was placing another washcloth on her face. Something beeps in the background and she hears a curse. Was that Hunk? Panic radiates from everyone. Why are they so scared? Is Lance really that bad off? She struggles against the exhaustion and forces her eyes open again.

Lance almost look gray. Keith is lost in thought. Hunk is fiddling with the scanner. Shiro is looking at her but standing next to Hunk. She groans as she tries to sit up. Lance’s head jerks up and Keith’s hand tightens on hers.

“You ok there Pidge?”

The room swims now that her eyes are open. She can’t really focus. She slumps back down on the pillows. She’s freezing but burning up at the same time. Oh, that’s right she has fire and ice on either side of her. A giggle escapes at the thought of dressing Lance and Keith up as Natsu and Gray. Nah, Keith is way too reserved to be Natsu. Lance would love to be Gray though. Hunk points the scanner at her again. Their scanner is so much cooler than a tricorder. Dr. Crusher would be so jealous. Giggles escape. Hunk frowns. Pidge notices how rigid Shiro looks. She frowns. Shiro should be laughing. Why is he so scared?

“Pidge?”

Oh yeah. Someone asked her how she was. Hmmmmm. She’s awake so that must be good.

“We need to get ice packs. Her temperature has gone back up to 105.” Hunk glares at the scanner like it betrayed him.

“How much longer until we can get the compounds made?” Shiro asks tightly.

“I’m not sure. Coran keeps insisting this will be easy, but it hasn’t been yet. Her body is going to start shutting down.” Hunk wipes his face in frustration.

Pidge just looks at Lance. His eyes are closing. He looks so tired. She squeezes his hand, but he doesn’t seem to react. Pidge squeezes Keith’s hand. Keith looks at her. She flicks her eyes to Lance. Keith inhales sharply. He leaves her side and heads over to Lance.

“Lance? Lance, you ok?” Keith crouches down next to the chair.

Shiro and Hunk spin around and race over as Lance slumps down into Keith and knocks them both to the floor. Pidge thinks she hears growling. Something thrums. Concern and worry throb around her. She’s floating again. But she can sense them. Red has Blue held close. Yellow is scanning him and getting more agitated. Black is so tense. This isn’t right. They should all be happy. She looks at herself. Green pulses around her. Colors twinkle everywhere.

 

       Thin lines trail between all of them. Red, Black, Blue, Yellow, Green. She notices how interconnected they are. The line from her to Blue is bigger though. It’s pouring energy into her. She starts to panic. This isn’t right! This isn’t how energy should be transferred! Green thrums around her. She starts to see the connections and how to manipulate things correctly. She quickly reworks the connection to Blue to return it to a normal flow. Then she realizes all of his connections had gotten larger. He was with her through all of these trips! He had been dumping energy into everyone! She tackles all the connections making them smaller. Once she slows the outgoing flow of energy to normal she works on gently opening the incoming flow wider. Energy seems to gather around her. Oh!! That’s how it should work! Draw from AROUND you not from yourself. She directs the green energy into him. If she could keep this up for a few more minutes he should be fine. Already the anxiety and fear for him from the others is receding. In a moment of clarity, she realizes they need to train with this. She needs to talk to Allura and Shiro about it. Blue’s energy is burning brighter. Green rumbles into her ear. Pidge scales the incoming flow back to normal. Blue will be fine. Blue rumbles approvingly. Pidge is SO going to kick his ass. She pokes his unconscious and dumps the information into him when he responds. She drifts to the others and wraps them in calm.

“Lance!” Hunk scans him and starts cursing. “That idiot! He was draining his energy! His levels are almost as low as Pidge’s.”

“Is there even a way to fix this?” Shiro asks a bit hesitantly.

“I don’t know. I -“ Hunk stops. He tilts his head a bit to one side. Then to the other. He steps closer and squints.

Keith is holding Lance carefully. He notices the faint green energy surrounding Lance. “Do you guys see this?”

“Yeah. I thought it was my eyes. Oh no! She better not be dumping energy back into him! They will end up in a feedback loop and that will only make things worse.” Hunk sounds agitated.

Suddenly, there seems to be green surrounding all of them. It’s calm and relaxing. Keith looks focused. Then he looks at up. “Can you hear that?”

Confusion mars Shiro and Hunk’s faces. Keith lets out a frustrated sigh. “It’s like…connecting to the lions, but it’s Pidge. She’s…talking?”

Shiro and Hunk focus inward. Keith does the same when he sees the recognition flash across their faces. Pidge needs to tell them something important and wants them all there.

 

      They are in a computer room. Pidge is tinkering with the computer. Lance is already hooked up through a faint white line. Pidge looks up and smiles. She motions for them to sit. Once everyone is seated she shows them how to hook themselves in. The Matrix? Images flash and amusement pulses. Keith relaxes a bit as understanding floods him. Pidge sends out a wave of happiness. Then she sends a pulse of irritation at Lance who winces. More images flow into them. A galaxy of pinpoint colors explodes around them overlaid in the rec room. Gathering energy from around them. Channeling it through themselves. More amusement as the ‘ _Use the Force.’_ floats by. Lance goes rigid then absolute embarrassment floods through. Green data seems to flow across the lines. Information keeps getting dumped. Languages and concepts, previously unknown, flow through them. Knowledge is data. Data is just another form of energy. Keith pokes at the data flow.

            Red. Anger. Frustration. Lonely. Outsider. Pain. Protect.

Keith jerks back trying to disconnect. It’s bad enough Lance felt some of it last time, no one else needs to know. Green energy wraps around him. Understanding. Love. Family. Belonging. Safe. He feels Blue, Yellow and Black doing the same. Family. He belongs.

Pidge sends a pulse of encouragement to the others. Hesitation. Hunk reaches out.

            Yellow. Stable. Sturdy. Family. Safe. Caring. Food. Comfort. Homesick. Anxious. Worry.

Green energy once again reaches out. Understanding. Love. Family. Home. Safe. Hunk relaxes some. He feels Blue, Black and Red curling around him trying to ease his anxiety. He’s doing fine. This is his new home. His family and they need him.

Pidge sends a stronger pulse of encouragement out. Reluctance. Fear. Hunk and Keith send out some encouragement too. Indecisiveness. Pidge prods harder.

            Blue. Ocean. Waves. Family. Love. Calm. Black. Leader. Tempest. Surfing. Sorrow. Pain. Doubt. Sadness. Loss. Crying. Failure. Weapon. Failure. Useless. Soothing. Peace. Undeserving. Protection. Cold. Ice. Protection. Family. Love. Black and Blue jumble together nervously. Shock ripples from Yellow and Red.

Green energy once again reaches out. Understanding. Love. Family. Home. Safe. She wraps them all as tightly as she can. Reassurance pulses from Hunk and Keith. Shiro and Lance aren’t failures, useless or undeserving. Love. Family. Home. Safe. Needed. Wanted. Loved. They were so needed and loved. The colors blur as they all meld together. It’s the closest any of them have felt before. They are more than just a team. They are a family. Its relaxing. The lions poke them in amusement.

Pidge is beyond exhausted. She slowly starts to lose focus. The computer room starts to fade with the others. She can feel them retreating into reality. Where have they been anyway? Their minds? The astral plane? Sleep pulls her under.

 

Keith snaps out of his trance abruptly. He’s disorientated. Did that just really happen? Were they able to make Lance better? He quickly looks down and sees Lance starting to stir. Keith hears Shiro and Hunk moving a bit to his side.

“That was really disconcerting. Why did we snap back so fast?” Hunk wonders.

“Pidge used too much focus trying to help us.” Keith answers. He’s not sure how he knows but he does. Lance shifts at the sound of his voice.

Shiro helps Keith get Lance into a sitting position as he comes to all the way. “Lance, are you here with us?” Shiro asks.

Lance nods slowly, “Yeah. I think so. I just had the craziest dream.”

“It wasn’t a dream. We were all there.” Keith points out.

Hunk scans Lance and makes an approving sound, “Your quintessence levels are pretty normal. So now that you know how to use the Force the right way, try not to kill yourself again.”

Lance flushes bright red, “Hey! I was just going on instinct. How was I supposed to know I was wrong?”

They look at him flatly. “Maybe because Allura told you it was the wrong way from the start?” Keith jabs.

Lance looks a bit more repentant, “How’s Pidge?” he asks as he stands to test his balance.

Hunk scans her as Shiro goes back to putting cool cloths on her head. Hunk sounds annoyed, “Her quintessence levels are still fairly low but the fever is down to 103. It seems like she’s in a pretty deep sleep.”

 

“Then you should all take a break,” Allura steps forward, “Go eat something and I will stay with her.” At the uneasy glances she continues, “She won’t be able to drag me into the astral zone easily. I am shielded and more familiar with it. Besides, once I saw what she was doing I realized how much you all needed it. You still shouldn’t have shared your quintessence with her like that Lance. It was extremely dangerous.”

Keith snorted a bit, “He did it with all of us.”

At Allura’s panicked look Lance jumps in, “Pidge showed me the right way to do it. You gather the energy from around you and channel it through. Don’t draw from yourself. Right?”

Allura looks impressed, “Yes. It usually takes quite a long time to master though.”

Shiro smiles proudly at all of them, “With Pidge’s help, I’m pretty sure we have it down. I don’t like the idea of being away too long though. No offence, Princess.”

Allura nods her head with a small smile, “Of course not. Go eat and recharge a bit. Hunk, we have finished getting the components for your compound. Coran should be done mixing it by the time you finish eating.”

Hunk looks taken aback. He looks closer at the scanner and flips through some readings. “We lost that much time?”

“What’s wrong?” Shiro asks. Things had been so strange that the only thing they had been actually keeping track of was how often to refill the bowl with cool water.

Hunk clears his throat, “Ummmm, the last scan was when I checked Pidge just now. The one before was when Lance woke up. But before that was 3 varga ago, when Lance originally passed out.”

Allura chuckles a bit, “Time is easy to get away from when you are there. If Pidge is there she will sleep for quite a while.”

They all nod, “Guess that’s our cue to get some food. I plan on coming right back though. I’ll catch a nap here.” Lance says.

“I think that’s the same for all of us,” Shiro points out.

“So, food goo? I mean, I could try to make something, but if Coran is almost done…” Hunk shifts a bit nervously.

“Hunk, space mac and cheese is fine,” Keith says.

“Showers might be a good thing too.” Shiro notes.

Lance rolls his eyes, “Yes, DAD.”

Laughter follows them out.

Allura takes the cloth off Pidge’s head and dips it in the cool water again. Pidge has been sick for at least two and a half quintant. They had been alternating the cloth and icepacks. The icepacks hadn’t lasted too long. Pidge had started to violently shake after only a few doboshes. Shiro and Hunk mentioned shocking her system and quickly pulling them off. Allura was happy that the team seems to be doing so much better. Pidge had scared them all so badly between the fever and the delirium. Adding the psychic abilities to it just made it so much worse. Allura wasn’t thrilled at how they were training themselves with the bonds and psychic abilities, but they could work on it more once Pidge was better. Sighing she wrung out the cloth and places it on Pidge’s head. “Heal quickly. They are so very worried for you.”


	8. Chapter 8

Everyone seemed to have showered in record time. Sitting in the kitchen they were getting ready to start eating the food goo when Lance spoke up. “Ummm. Listen. Thanks. I know that was weird back there. Feeling all that stuff. But, I really appreciate you guys caring.” He said, eyes never leaving the plate.

Shiro reached over and squeezed Lance’s shoulder. “I understand completely where you are coming from. I think we both needed it.” Lance continues to look down at his plate, slightly nods and pokes at the food goo. “Lance, look at me,” Shiro is getting a bit worried. Lance should be feeling better not worse. Lance finally looks up at him. Tears shining in his eyes and despair written across his face. Shiro can tell Lance is trying to keep from breaking down but why? Hunk has leapt up and wrapped Lance in a hug, muttering encouragement. Keith hesitantly comes over and places a hand on Lance’s other shoulder. Lance finally breaks. They stay like that for awhile as Lance lets it all out.

Once his sobs subside a bit he speaks, “You’re not a failure or unworthy Shiro. You deserve all the happiness out there. Especially after everything you’ve been through. Keith, you shouldn’t feel like you have to be alone. You’re not unwanted. You’re part of a family now. We want you here. Hunk, you’re awesome. I understand the homesickness. You’re doing great with everything. I know I messed up by giving out so much energy, but it hurts to see you guys so upset. I just wanted to help. I know I messed up again. We should be focused on helping Pidge. We shouldn’t have wasted time on recharging me. It’s my own fault for doing it wrong. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have worried you so much.”

Shiro is stunned by this. Does Lance think he isn’t worth the same? His thoughts flash to Pidge’s outburst earlier. _“¡Eres muy estúpido! Baka! Oe valea! ¿Que estabas pensando? ¡No me envíe su energía! Deja de hacerte daño por mi bien! No tienes que probar nada. No eres un faluire. Eres mi hermano ahora. ¿Por qué crees que vales menos que yo? No eres un faluire.”_ Stupid. Energy. For my good. Not failure. Brother now. Less than me? Pieces slide into place.

“What are you talking about? You did help her. You helped keep her calm. You made sure she saw who everyone really was. You kept her from digging through everyone’s mind too far. You had the idea to mix our energy to help her remember Green. How can you think we shouldn’t worry about you? Aren’t you part of this family too? I mean, we’re frustrated with you for draining yourself so badly but given what you had to work with you did good.” Hunk is staring at Lance in disbelief.

Lance looks like he’s about to argue when Shiro cuts in. “Pidge would kick your butt for thinking like this. You’re just as important as the rest of us. She was angry with you before for giving her energy. She figured out it was hurting you. But she still cares. We all do. She kept saying how you were her brother. How does that make you less?”

“I was just trying to protect everyone. It was reflex. I haven’t been through as much as you guys. I-“

“Neither have I. If anything, I’m just homesick.” Hunk interrupts.

“But you can cook wonderful things to help comfort everyone. You’re an amazing with engineering stuff and give great hugs. Shiro is the strong one. He’s our leader, he knows what to do and he’s been through hell. No one should have to go through what he did. Keith shouldn’t feel so alone. He’s a fantastic pilot, he’s always been the best. He makes some insightful observations. He deserves a great, loving family and to belong. I’m just a loser who doesn’t know how to do anything right.” Lance seems to curl into himself.

Shiro is horrified. How could they have missed this? He knew their feelings tangled badly earlier, but he thought he knew which ones were his. Now, he’s not sure and it shakes him. Exactly how much of that cheerful demeanor was a mask to hide all this pain? Lance shouldn’t feel that worthless.

Keith smacks Lance upside the back of his head. It jolts Hunk and Shiro but before they can say anything Keith snaps at Lance, “You are worth the same things. Hunk already pointed out how much you helped. You made sure you stuck with Pidge through all this and calmed us when she dragged us, wherever that place was. If I deserve to belong and be loved, then so do you. I saw how lonely you are without your family. I saw how Iverson tried to compare us. I saw how miserable you feel. I saw how much you hide these feelings. You’re not worthless but you are an idiot, for not giving yourself the credit you’re due. Would you let any of us be this hard on ourselves?” Lance just shakes his head, “You would kick our butts. So why are you being this hard on yourself?”

Lance just stares at Keith. Keith holds his gaze unflinchingly. Lance finally looks down and offers a watery laugh. “Oh, so you get to spaz that I saw into your head? You obviously saw more of mine and decide to use it against me, how is that fair?”

Keith relaxes minutely, “Since when do I have to be fair?” He squeezes Lance’s shoulder and then goes to back to his meal.

The atmosphere lightens. Hunk gives Lance another hug before sitting down. Shiro squeezes Lance’s other shoulder. Lance shoots them all a stronger smile.

Keith decides to try to lighten the mood a bit more, “Was anyone else getting languages and concepts thrown at them a mile a minute earlier? I felt like I couldn’t keep up with everything Pidge was dumping into my head.”

Lance snickers at that, “Finally admitting you can’t keep up?” Keith just rolls his eyes. He should have seen that one coming. Lance continues, “But you’re right. I felt like she was flooding us with information and I’m not sure what it was or how to process it.”

Keith nods, “I also noticed the longer she talked, it didn’t matter what language, I understood better. I still don’t get why Shiro thought us being her brothers was so funny though.”

Shiro smiled a bit at the memory, “It was more in the way she called you her brothers. Japanese is all about intonation and intent.”

Hunk looked thoughtful, “She called you and me the same thing. But Keith and Lance were different.”

Shiro nodded, “It was a reflection of how she saw us at the time. In my case, Shiro-kun, was meant as a someone she’s known for a long time and was comfortable with. With you, Hunk-kun, it was more like addressing you as a close acquaintance. She knew you at the time but couldn’t remember exactly how close you were. When she called Keith, Keith-san, it was to be respectful. Again, she knew he was someone she was supposed to know but couldn’t remember. With Lance,” Shiro chuckled a bit, “Lance-chan, was reflection of how comfortable she felt. It’s like a term of endearment. Like he was her little brother.”

Lance stared at Shiro for a moment, “That’s why she got so mad when you called her Pidge-chan and called her cute! She didn’t want you to treat her like a little kid.”

Shiro nodded, “It was fun to mess with her.”

“I still think Space Dad is accurate.” Lance joked. Shiro just looked at him flatly.

“Do you think she’ll be able to switch back to English? I mean it’s cool to hear different languages but translating seems to get tedious. It would be really hard in battle.” Keith asked.

Shiro sighed, “I’m not sure. I have a feeling it has to do with the fever and the psychic stuff. Her fever was already really high at breakfast. She didn’t start with the Japanese until after I touched her. The same with Lance. She couldn’t use Samoan because Hunk doesn’t know enough.”

“But she should have been able to use English. Unless she was focused on trying to connect the Samoan.” Hunk added thoughtfully.

“Language uses a different part of the brain. I think the psychic fever is what’s causing it. I wonder if she’ll retain any of this after it breaks?” Lance said.

“What was she pushing on us? Language was data and data was energy? It seemed important.” Keith asked.

Everyone looked at Hunk who just shrugged, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Just then Coran entered, “Ah, there you are Number 2! I think I have this compounded the correct way. Care to take a look?”

Hunk nodded, “I’ll be in the rec room soon.”

As they left the others cleaned up, fighting yawns. Allura looked up when they entered. “She hasn’t moved. It feels like her fever is the same though.”

Shiro scanned Pidge. She was 104 and the reading indicated a deep sleep. Allura motioned for them to get some rest. Shiro agreed, “Looks like the temperature hasn’t changed much and she’s in a deep sleep. It’s probably a good idea for us to get some rest too.”

Hunk walked in during that and added, “Coran has the compound ready. We can give it through the IV after we catch a bit of sleep. If something goes wrong, I’d rather be more awake for it.”

“I will stay awake with her. I got some sleep earlier today. Coran will change out the water for me in a little while. Now rest. You’ve all had a strenuous day.”

Shiro propped some pillows up on the foot of the couch near Pidge’s head. Lance went back to his spot by her hand and folded himself around it from the floor. Keith and Hunk strayed to the right hand and propped themselves up. Within a few minutes everyone was breathing deeply. Allura relaxed. It looked like they would all actually get some good sleep. That had been very hard to come by lately.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter. Trying to figure out exactly how I want to proceed from here. I have a few ideas but I'm not certain which way I want to take this. Comments appreciated!

Pidge didn’t know where she was. She could feel the others nearby. Images, not her own but from her point of view, flood her mind. Little kids chattering away and laughing. Climbing aboard the ship for Kerberous. Arguing with Matt. Scouring the desert to find the source of that weird energy feeling. Cooking at home with mom. Studying. Racing through the desert mountains on the speed bike. Chatting with Matt and Sam. Surfing. Palm trees. Coconuts. Cherry blossoms. Staring at the purple knife. Memoires envelop her. She can feel the others getting pulled along. It’s a tumultuous ride. Lives become entwined. Darker memories blur into a feeling of anguish then slowly into peace. Everything stills.

She can see the others. She focuses a bit on them. Colors swirl around all of them. No one seems to have just one color anymore. One is brighter red, another is brighter blue, the other is brighter yellow and the last is darker but has a slivery sheen but the other colors dance around. Her own figure has a brighter green tint but is still a mess of colors. She can’t quite make out details, but everyone seems shocked. Suddenly, five lions appear, as if lending strength, behind the appropriate figure. Everyone seems to relax, then the lions nudge them all closer together. Pidge stumbles and falls into the red figure. Keith. She notices they are all clinging to each other now.

More images flash. Lions. Voltron. Peace. Keeping people safe. War. Zarkon going mad. Alfor sealing them all. Blue landing on Earth to hide. Keith wandering in the cave. Lance’s quintessence unlocking it. Blue reaching out to the other Lions. The joy at having found new paladins. Reuniting. Everyone meeting their Lions. Forming Voltron. The feeling of peace of having someone so important again. Protection. Family. Love.

They all stare at each other in wonder. Is this what the Paladin bond is really like? Keith brushes Pidge’s mind. Contentment is the response. He can feel the others in the background. If he focuses a little they become clearer. He pulls back some. He can feel them, but the sense dulls. They can still have privacy. He wonders if this will continue once they awaken. Red’s soft chuckle tells him it will. None of them will really be alone again. Awareness pulls him toward consciousness.

  


Allura noticed the swirling auras around the paladins as they slept. She smiles softly. They are connecting in a way she had only heard about. This could be just what they need. Then she realizes that this could be disastrous, especially with Shiro’s terrible memories. She decides waking them and breaking the connections right now would be for the best. She reaches out to shake Shiro when he starts to stir on his own. She feels the nudge of the Lions calming her fears. They have been watching and helping the others to connect. Soon the rest of the men are waking up. She is delighted to see they have managed eight hours and hopes that it hasn’t made them even more exhausted.

Hunk stretches and yawns. “That was the most intense dream I’ve ever had!”

Keith just looks at him, “It wasn’t a dream. Those were our memories and feelings. I think this may be a permanent connection now too.”

Lance stares at them, “Seriously? We’re in each other’s heads for good now?”

Keith lets his mind brush against Lance’s and pokes him a bit. Lance yelps and jerks up. Lance then narrows his eyes and does the same to Keith. Shiro shakes his head.

“At least we can pull back enough to have some privacy.”

“It will take some time to learn how, but you can filter out what the others can see and feel. This is a much deeper bond than the ones you are used to. Give yourselves time to adjust. Also understand, this is to help you feel how important it is to work together and how you belong.” Allura says knowingly.

Hunk scans Pidge again and frowns disapprovingly. The others feel a pulse of irritation from him.

“No change?”

Hunk shakes his head. “If anything, it says she’s in a deeper sleep.”

Concern runs through all of them.

“She’s not…in a coma? Is she?” Lance tries to hold back the panic, but they feel it.

“No! At least not yet. She’s in a really deep REM cycle right now.” Hunk sooths. “I’m going to get Coran and-“ a deep growl comes from his stomach. Lance and Keith’s seem to rumble in agreement.

“Eating would probably be a good idea first. You have all used up a great deal of energy. It would be wise to replace it before anything else.” Allura smiles.

Sighing in defeat the guys nod and shuffle into the kitchen for a quick meal. Less than half an hour later they reappear with Coran. Checking Pidge’s temperature only causes more concern as it has risen back up to 105. Coran slowly injects the compound into Pidge’s IV and everyone waits cautiously. After about a half hour they notice Pidge starting to stir.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know the last few chapters have been fairly light but there is a reason for the tags. This chapter is a bit darker. Consider yourself warned and mind the tags.
> 
> Merry Christmas, have some angst.

Pidge’s eyes start moving rapidly under her eyelids. Soon she’s moving slightly and little whimpers escape. It becomes obvious she’s having a nightmare. The others look at each other for a moment. The guys had taken up their previous positions around Pidge. Without hesitation or thought they all reach out to touch her. Lance slips his hand into hers. Hunk does the same with her other hand. Keith places a hand on her shoulder next to Hunk. Shiro touches her other shoulder gently. They all feel the fear and concern that Pidge is projecting. As soon as their hands touch they are all swept up into the hurricane of memories and feelings.

Sitting in a room alone, hearing a strange language, so far from home, wanting to cry but knowing this is now ‘home’. Alone, in a dark room, hiding against the wall crying silently as people scream at each other, shivering with fear and cold. Curled up in a ball on a bed, crying so hard because he’s such a failure. Everyone at school is right, he’s a loser. He should be better. Why does everyone at home ignore him so much though? Don’t they love him? Trying to ignore the whispers and looks. He knows he’s too heavy and likes science too much. _What a nerd. Loser._ He learned quickly to keep quiet. Anxiety has his stomach in constant knots. Trying to ignore the looks and whispers. _She’s too young. Why is she here? Who wants a know it all around anyway?_ Skipping grades, like rocks on a pond, only to be shut out more. Struggling with learning so many new things at once.

Shutting down because _this is NOT home! I don’t want to be here! I don’t understand ANYTHING here!_ Gazing at the stars and just wanting to escape. Shuffling from family to family. Nursing broken bones, bruises and hunger alone because no one really cares. Getting picked on because _When was the last time you had a haircut loser? Didn’t you wear that yesterday?_ Learning not to get attached. Every time you do it ends in bitter disappointment and betrayal. Everyone leaves. You understand how unwanted and unlovable you are. Gazing at the stars and just wanting to escape. Plastering on the fake smile and carefree attitude. No one notices how deep the words cut. _Idiot. Loser. Too hyper. Do better. Why can’t you be like…. Just shut up already! No one cares what you think!_ Getting pushed around because you’re too thin and an easy target. Throwing yourself into family only to be brushed off there too. Crying silently alone while everyone sleeps. Always alone. Gazing at the stars and just wanting to escape. Working on projects while the other kids laugh. Trying to block out the sound. Your stomach is knotted tighter than ever. Getting pushed around because you’re too fat and no one cares how you feel. Finding out there aren’t any real friends around. No one understands how you think. You’re alone, no matter what your moms say. Gazing at the stars and just wanting to escape. Struggling to understand people. Giving up and retreating into schoolwork and tech. Gazing at the stars and wondering what’s out there.

Fighting. Fear. Blood everywhere. In the arena trying to survive. Pain. So much pain. Fear. Trying to keep it together. There are four kids counting on you to be an adult now. Terrified of the memories. More terrified of the flashbacks. What if it happens on a mission again? How can I lead? I’m unworthy to be a paladin. Too damaged. _You’re a broken soldier. You’ll be our greatest weapon._ Trying desperately to keep it contained so they can’t see how fractured you really are. Failure. How can you keep any of them safe? Look what happened to Matt and Commander Holt. How soon until it happens again? Stay calm and pretend everything is fine. You can sleep when you’re dead. Maybe then the dreams will finally leave you alone.

Rage. _Pilot error._ The HELL it was! Trying to remain calm. Nerves fraying as the whispers continue. _His fault they’re dead. What kind of an idiot does it take to botch the mission so bad? I thought he was supposed to be such an amazing pilot! It’s just sad._ Fights. Rage. Because there’s NO way that the one person who actually cared is gone! He promised he’d come back! Shiro ALWAYS keeps his promises! He’s not dead. Not dead. Not dead. Not dead!! Hiding in the desert. Trying not to let the terror of being abandoned again get to you. Because what if… What if he really is gone? Should have known better to let someone in. It’s just like everyone else. Betrayal. Disappointment. Alone. Unlovable. Unwanted.

Keep up the facade. Everyone ignores you. Jokes are met with scoffs or huffs of annoyance. You try to loosen up but then you’re labeled a clown. No one needs to know how hard you work. How much studying you do. How much you fight for your grades. Striving to do better just to shut the voices in your head up. Not good enough. Just average. No defining qualities. _The ONLY reason you’re here is because Kogane washed out!_ No one needs you. You’re just a burden. Blue chose wrong. Just a placeholder. Someone better will come along. _Quit goofing off! Take this seriously. Enough already. Can’t you be quite?_ Even Hunk is finding someone better in Pidge. It’s okay though, you knew this would happen eventually. No one notices you for long. 

Your nerves are frayed, and you’ve had enough. The Garrison was the WORST idea ever! You’re so homesick. The simulators just make your anxiety and nerves worse. Throwing up is a regular thing now. No one really talks to you. Except Lance. He’s pretty cool. Classes are killing you. Sneaking onto the roof. Fear of the aliens. Fear of the unknown. WHY had you thought this was a good idea?? Fear in space. You never really thought you’d _actually_ get to space. Trying not to let panic attacks rule you. Trying to find some semblance of normal. What the hell is normal now? Killer space food goo apparently. Fear during missions. Trying to keep a firm hold of the homesickness, anxiety and nerves, because if you don’t you’ll break. Will they kick you off the team then? You don’t want to give up Yellow! You love this crazy little family. But oh god, if they ever found out exactly how bad your fears were, they would probably laugh at you. You couldn’t handle that. Not from them. 

_Kerberous crew missing. Pilot error._ Bullshit! Shiro is the most amazing pilot you ever met. There’s no way he would have crashed! Something’s not right. There’s no way Matt or Dad are dead. They AREN’T! Sneaking into the Garriosn. Hacking the computers. Getting caught. Going back as Pidge, because the hell with all this _I want answers!_ Finding the radio chatter about Voltron. Shiro’s alive? Where are they? What happened?? Why would he attack Matt?? Trying to save him? I HAVE to find them! I KNOW they are still alive! Because if not… it’s too much. Don’t think about Rover. Don’t think of Haxor and Rover falling. I killed someone. Don’t think about Lance looking so pale and still. Don’t think about Sendak mocking you and _oh my god he’s going to trY TO CRUSH MY HEAD!_ Don’t think about the killer food goo. Don’t think about the possibility of being trapped in zero G in Green’s hanger if the others hadn’t shown up. Don’t think.

Fighting for the universe. Fighting to survive. Having to fight the castle. Having to see Lance so battered after the explosion. Seeing Pidge in Sendak’s hand. The horror that he could CRUSH her head and you’d be helpless to stop it. The terror on Lance’s face during the airlock. Being so afraid you wouldn’t make it in time. You think _maybe, just maybe I can belong_ yet it terrifies you. What if Shiro leaves again? What if ANY of them leave? What if they don’t actually need you? You try to keep aloof and separate. You CAN’T be hurt like that again.

Being to terrified during the airlock. The cryopod trapping you. The horrible pain after realizing ‘Rover’ was a bomb. The missing time of the cryopod after healing. Having faced the miserable reality that, you’ll probably die out here in space. The least you can do is make sure it’s a good death. Make sure it’s saving someone. Try not to die in a stupid way. That would just disappoint everyone.

Fighting. Pain. Fear. Haggar. Fighting so many different beings. It’s a blur yet crystal clear. Killing all those beings. Trying not to panic now that the team sees it all. Fear. Pain. Fighting. Pain from the experiments. Pain from the battles. White hot pain from the prosthetic. Nightmares. Flashbacks. Just a weapon. Am I even human any more? Am I good? How can I try to lead a team for good after all the horrible things I’ve done? I’m just another one of Haggar’s monsters.

 

 

Confusion cuts through the storm. No one is a monster. No one is alone. No one is unlovable. No one cares about the anxiety. Everyone is damaged. Everyone is needed. Everyone is loved. Everyone is wanted. They are all that is left. They need each other. This is their new family. This is something extremely important.

Love. Family. Protect. Belonging. Wanted. Needed. Love. Family.

The storm slows and slowly abates. They are all floating in the astral realm.

Fear. Raw. The emotions and memories have battered them all. The worst thoughts and fears have been laid bare.

Hesitantly, they look towards each other. No one really wants to be the first to look up. Fear spikes again. What if no one can meet their eyes? What if this is all a dream? What if they are judged incompetent?

They can’t lose this though. The universe needs Voltron, if nothing else. They have to make it work somehow. Slowly, eyes raise. Fear, terror, loneliness, hesitation mix together in everyone’s eyes. Hope sparks. Can they get through this mess? Finally, green light surrounds them. Soon they all join, and it becomes a bright white light burning away all the darkness. It can try to return, but they resolve to help each other fight it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My take on all this is, everyone saw snippets of the dark thoughts earlier but it got soothed away. Now that things are more open, it's harder to hide the darkness. So everything is exposed at this point. Next will be working through this hurricane and making sure Pidge is getting better. 
> 
> Minor spoiler: she's going to be fine. ;)
> 
> Bonus points to anyone that catches the song lyrics.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More fluff and angst. Please read note.
> 
> Sorry for the long delay, this chapter was difficult. 
> 
> Again please read note.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *waves sheepishly after looking at how long it's been since update.*
> 
> So, life happened. Sorry for the delay.
> 
> This chapter is pretty intense. Not sure if I'm going to update the tags all the way, since this is mostly a filler chapter and the only one that should deal with the details. There is some important information dropped. I will add a skip point, for those of you that don't want to read all of it. The details are all in italics.  
>  
> 
> ********TW: eating disorder, accidental anorexia, unhealthy coping, accidental child neglect.*********

Allura had started to say something when the guys seemed to freeze and go rigid after they touched Pidge. Their eyes were glazed over and it looked like they were barely breathing. Allura inhaled sharply moving to get up, but Coran put his hand up to stop her and motioned to the Paladins. Allura noticed the auras swirling around them in a jumble and looked at Coran in a panic.

“I know what you are thinking. We can’t interrupt now. This will either make it things better-“

“Or completely destroy them! We don’t know their capacity for psychic abilities! This very well may ruin their minds. Or at the least the bonds they have forged,” Allura started to wring her hands.

“Allura, look.”

A green light pulsed around all the Paladins. Soon it became a bright white light.  As it fades the men seemed to collectively snap out of it. They all seem to take a deep, shaky breath. There was odd air about them. Allura noticed that  no one was really looking at each other or talking. She got even more nervous. Has this ruined everything? She tamps down on her worry and asks, “Is everything alright?”

Four pairs of eyes snap to her in unison. She is slightly taken aback at the look they give her. It’s worn, raw, hurt and tired. Emotions dance across faces so fast it’s hard to place any of them.

Lance and Shiro seem to focus on her first. Lance smiled brightly, “Well that was something. I, uh, have to go to the bathroom!” he left the room as fast as he could, ignoring Shiro’s yell to stop. That seemed to help bring Hunk and Keith around all the way.

 

“Shiro?” Allura asked tentatively.

 

Shiro shook his head, that same look on his face. “This time was a lot more intense than any of the other times. We also saw a lot deeper into everyone's fears and past. We weren't ready and need some time.”

 

Hunk and Keith simply nodded, then look confused.

 

 “Where's Lance?” Hunks brow furrowed with concern as he closed his eyes and stoped for a moment.

 

“He booked it out of here a few minutes ago. I'm not really sure why. This was weird for all of us.”

 

Keith nodded but looked uncomfortable, “I'm not so sure I wanted all that information about you guys. I mean, it helps me understand everyone, but..”

 

Shiro laid a hand on Keith's should and gave him an understanding nod. “I can imagine how uncomfortable you must be.”

 

Hunk frown deepens, “Lance has closed himself off. I'm not so sure this is a good thing.”

 

Keith and Shiro look worried and attempt to reach out as well. It's like hitting a wall of sheet ice. Cold, sad and unrelenting.

 

           

                Lance made it into his room as fast as he could, purposely keeping his mind blank. He stumbled through the door and locked it. Lance flopped down on the floor in front of his bed and drew his knees up to his chest as he wrapped his arms around them, trying desperately to distance himself from the others and holding back his impending breakdown. He felt the others reach out but they hit the wall he had constructed. Lance also felt the concerned nudges from Blue. He ignored them all as the emotional memories flooded over him and his breathing picked up. He shouldn’t be able to relate to them so much!

 

Lance knew what it had been like for Shiro, having to adjust to a new language and how unkind people could be. He knew exactly how Hunk felt with all the teasing because of his weight. Being too thin was just as bad as being too fat to people. Body image issues only add to the anxiety that being so different and homesick already brought. But to relate to Keith so much, Lance hadn’t been ready for that. He tried to shove all those memories back in their box and as deep into his mind as he could, but it was too late. Tears began to fall as everything washed over him in stunning clarity.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

 

 

_He was young, maybe 6, sitting at home alone after school. Everyone was at work. Looking through the cupboards for a snack and only finding an apple. His middle sister coming home and looking shocked to see him. Wasn’t he supposed to be here? This was home, right?  Mama, Papa and everyone working so much. Having to get himself to school and come home again to an empty house. He had been told he was a big boy now and he could look after himself. Food becoming scarcer as everyone worked longer shifts. Only being able to get a decent meal at school. Hesitantly asking if he could help with the food. Mama looking upset at that. More food in the house but no one around._

 

_Skip to a few years later. His older sister home more because his new cousin would be coming soon. Everyone happy, but still working all the time. His sister making meals. Feeling like he actually belonged again. Things were good. Until she had to go back to work. He was tasked with looking after his cousin after school. Making snacks and dinner was easy enough, then the food got low again. Cautiously reminding everyone that they needed food. The toddler needed a lot of snacks to grow. The pantry got fuller but it still seemed like it wasn’t enough._

 

_This was the pattern until he was 16. By then he understood that money was tight, and everyone was working at least two jobs. His Papa was working three. It was his job to take care of the little ones. He would always make do with the food that was around and if there wasn’t quite enough for him, well that was just the way it was. The younger ones needed to eat. They were growing so much. He would eat whatever they didn’t, until they got big enough to where there weren’t any leftovers. He was used to it. They weren’t. Besides, he got breakfast and lunch at school. A small portion was all he really needed. He made sure to pick up what he could at the store for meals, but it was always too little because he couldn’t scrounge up enough money. Summer was both harder and easier. No school meant no full meals. It also meant more fresh fruits, vegetables and fishing was easier._

 

_Then, his oldest niece started watching him closely. Her friends had asked why he never ate with them when they visited. She only shrugged and said that it had always been like that. Her friends pointed out that wasn’t really normal and wasn’t he kinda thin? Finally, at one of the rare family meals, she asked if he was hungry since he didn’t eat very much. He just laughed it off as no big deal. He asked if she needed some more. Everyone seemed to stop and actually LOOK at him. His family seemed to realize how thin he really was. His sister asking why he wasn’t eating and his Mama looking like it was the end of the world when he tried to reassure them that he was fine. He was used to not having much, but he made sure the little ones ate. Everyone getting upset. Fleeing to his room because he knew he messed up somehow, but unsure what it was._

 

_Moving to the Garrison and having food shoved at him in the mess hall was a shock. Not believing he could eat as much as he wanted. Slowly adjusting to that idea and beginning to finally fill out a bit. His portions still seemed small to others until he met Hunk. Hunk would sneak him snacks and got him used to eating smaller portions more often, so his stomach could adjust. Hunk didn’t know though. He just thought Lance was used to frequent meals with how much he talked about his family and snacks. Now he only had food goo._

********************************************************************************************************

 

 

The torrent of memories and phantom hunger pains slowed. Lance was finally able to calm down some. He felt Blue’s agitation and concern rippling past whatever shields he had erected. He took a few deep breaths and slowly opened his eyes. He recoiled at the sight of Hunk, Keith and Shiro standing there quietly. Hunk gently sent out a soft, reassuring brush through their bond. Lance sunk further into himself. Concern flashed over the other’s faces, but he couldn’t talk to them now.

 

How much had they seen? Felt? Oh god, they were going to know what a disaster he was and not want him around! He screwed up again. He wasn’t good enough. He-

 

Hunk had slowly approached while Lance was internally freaking out. He knelt down and spoke gently to Lance as he carefully touched his shoulder, while sending out comforting yellow energy. “Hey, calm down. It’s ok. We’re here for you. You don’t have to worry. We don’t think less of you. You were doing the best you could. We just wish you would have told us.”

 

Lance looked up slowly, his tearstained face disbelieving, “How-?”

 

Shiro spoke up just as quietly, “Hunk noticed your barricade not long after you left. We were going to give you some time, but Blue got frantic. It made the other lions extremely agitated. Pidge somehow broke through for us. I’m pretty sure Green was the main culprit. Once the barrier was down, the rest flooded in. We...we understood most of it.”

 

Lance looked confused.

 

Keith stepped in, “It was like with Pidge and those memories, only I think Blue was dumping everything into the other lions to send to us. Or she was sending it to Pidge.”

 

He shrugged and continued, “The important thing is that we know what you went through.”

 

Keith paused again seeming to have decided something, “I couldn’t have handled that. I know you guys saw some of the issues I had to deal with growing up, but those were...not frequent. Going to bed hungry or not getting meals, was a punishment. The one family that did it the most were found out pretty quickly. They were the ones that caused the memory everyone saw.” Anger for him started to radiate from Keith, “I had teachers and social workers looking out for me. You didn’t have access to enough food! That’s so much worse. No one noticed you going through that! Why didn’t they? There were signs!”

 

Lance stared at Keith open mouthed for a minute, then he shook himself and answered lowly, “A few did. There wasn’t much that could be done. No one was really around for them to talk to. By the time the teachers noticed, I was already in high school and could dissuade them. Telling people I was on the swim team helped.” He shrugged slightly, “I was just looking out for the little ones. Besides, I think having food there and being denied it would be harder.”

 

Keith shook his head vehemently, “It’s not that bad. It is usually one meal to make a point. It was the same as skipping a meal because you were busy. That one family did try to withhold food more often, but it only lasted about a week. My social worker happened to stop by at dinner one night and found out what was going on. I was moved that night.”

 

Shiro and Hunk were aghast at all of this information. Keith and Lance talking so casually about not having food as kids was disconcerting.

 

Shiro regretted not knowing Keith earlier, he could have helped more! He knew the level of hunger they were talking about. He had skipped enough meals during finals and training for Kerberos. Besides, it’s not like the Galra had fed him well or often. Shiro was an adult though, it was easier for him to handle, or so he tried to convince himself.  

 

Hunk was still reeling that he had missed Lance’s eating disorder. He remembered being surprised at how thin Lance was, but Lance had claimed he was on the swim team back home. Hunk knew that took a lot of energy and swimmers were pretty lean. He made sure to sneak Lance snacks as often as he could. Lance had started eating more and did fill out a bit, so it must have helped.

 

Lance and Keith looked at Shiro and Hunk sharply. “You guys did what you could. Shiro there was no way for you to know this stuff. I never really wanted to talk about it,” Keith said firmly.

 

Lance nodded, “Hunk, you have no idea how much you helped me. I was able to actually eat much better than I had. Getting over the idea that I had to ration food was really hard. Having you give it to me so often made me eat because I didn’t want to waste it. By the time we left, I had gotten into the habit of small meals frequently. It's been so much better than trying to eat a full meal all at once. Some of the other cadets tried to help that way before we became friends. It only made me sick.”

 

Wary relief flooded them. It was difficult to tell if it was the Lions, Pidge or themselves. Probably all of it together.

 

 _“Don’t do that again!!”_  The image of a thick icy wall was followed by immense sadness.

 

“You gotta stop pissing Pidge off man,” Hunk tried to tease but Lance just sagged more looking like a kicked puppy.

 

 _“We’re here for you. ALL of you. We’re family now. You aren’t alone.”_   Warm energy enveloped them along with soft purring. It seemed the Lions were done taking a backseat to this crazy bond.

 

Hunk enveloped Lance in a tight hug while Shiro and Keith tried to just send reassurance over the bond. Lance wasn’t sure when he started crying again but he was getting tired of it. He took a few deep breaths, wiped his eyes and tried a small smile.

 

“Guess I should man up and deal with Pidge’s ass kicking again.”

 

The others chuckled but agreed they should go check on her and Allura.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter should be the only one that gets into such dark matters. I was planning on mostly fluff and am trying to get back to it. I did think it was important to address the fact that Lance really did understand the others more than he thought. Also, his family wasn't actively trying to forget about him. It was a case of so many people living in one place and everyone thinking the other had handled things like shopping.
> 
> As for the 'accidental anorexia', I can say most parents do this without realizing it. (Especially mothers with more than one small child.) 
> 
> You get so busy eating becomes a passing thought and it becomes habit to buy food 'for the kids' so you skip eating those items. When kids first start eating, you make a regular portion without thinking. Most kids can only eat about a quarter of that, so the parent finishes it. This becomes habit until you realize one day, "Wow they ate it all!" Then you realize, "Maybe I should actually make myself something." I'm going with this thought process for Lance. 
> 
> Again, it is only this chapter that gets into all the details. The big takeaway is that Lance can relate. I tried to put the cut properly so that people can skip most of the details. Please let me know if it is still too much.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So first, OMG you guys!! Over 1,200 hits!! I'm BLOWN away by this. I figured I'd get a few, but this.... *cries with joy*
> 
> This chapter is a bit Lance centric like the last but it's mostly clean up from the last chapter. Don't worry, everyone will have fallout from that last astral plane visit.
> 
> Also, this is where the language aspect gets weird. I'm going with the idea that Pidge thinks she is speaking English, but the other languages come out. Hence the sentence structure stays English. The phrases in Samoan I tried to keep to ones that someone would hear, especially if the family didn't really speak it at home anymore but some would slip out at times. 
> 
> As always, translations are at the bottom courtesy of Google Translate.

Coran knew something wasn’t quite right with Lance. The way he practically ran out of the room was an obvious clue. Then Hunk noticing the block through the bond added to his concern. Luckily, the others were faster to react then they had been before. Allura was pacing and throwing nervous, troubled looks at the door everyone else disappeared through.

“Princess, it will be alright. After all the effort that they have put into the bond, they won’t allow something to break it that easily. I’m sure the Lions will help break through Lance’s wall and the others will be able to help.”

“I know Coran, this has just been such a strange and trying time. I wish there was more I could do to help.” Allura sagged with exhaustion.

“The best thing you can do is get some rest for now. I know the last few varga have been difficult. I will sit with Number 5.”

“Coran, I really-“

“Nonsense! You need your sleep. It’s very early in the morning right now. Someone needs to be rested if there’s trouble.” His expression softened a bit, “You also have to trust that they can handle this. It has been a true trial by fire, but it can only make them stronger. They will come to us if it becomes too hard.”

Allura nodded wearily and headed to her room, with the mice chittering encouragingly after her.

 

Satisfied that the mice would make sure she got some rest, he sat down next to Pidge and began placing cool washcloths on her forehead again. The medicine he and Hunk had compounded helped, but not as much as was expected. Hunk had said that it was safe to administer every 4 varga. Pidge’s temperature was back up, although not quite as high, hovering around 104. He decided to double check the recipe, just to be sure it was right. Could there possibly be another compound they could try? He would check with Hunk later. Coran was very perplexed as to how Pidge could have gotten sick. They hadn’t been to any new or unusual planets or been exposed to any new foods. The only unusual thing had been the attack before they left Arus. His mind started to focus on that bit of information when he heard muttering. Pidge was mumbling quietly to herself. She had started tossing and turning again. Then her words became clearer, the distress on her face getting sharper.

“Leai! Tojinaide tú mismo! Shinaide kudasai bloquearnos! O ia lava kiite'nai. Oi kami mío. No, Īe, leai. Esto es mataʻutia. Baka! Tama valea! Kare wa idota para pensar tatou mafaufau kare wa débiles. Eso fue matua faigata kodomo no naka o iku. Dare wo ikemasen fiaai de esa manera. Por favor ayudarlo. Matou te alolofa ia te oe! Kare ni rikai sa seru.”

Coran listened closely but most of it seemed like jibberish to him. Pidge slowly started to relax, her words softened, as the others came in. “Estamos koko ni oe. Min'na. Watashitachidesu aiga ahora, No estás solo. Tu wakatte'nai le taua tele anata wa usted está ia i matou.”

Everyone looked confused. Coran was surprised. The last time Pidge had started jabbering like this Shiro and Lance had understood. Now they seemed completely perplexed.

“You didn’t understand her?”

Shiro shook his head a bit, “That last part had fragments I understood. Some sounded like Spanish?” Lance nodded at Shiro’s questioning look, “The rest, no idea.” 

“I actually caught some of that”, Hunk sounded as surprised as the rest felt. “It was simple phrases that I’ve heard my moms and grandparents say in Samoan.”

“The sentence structure is a mess. I think I got the word ‘you’, but I have no clue what she meant.” Lance shrugged.

“The only phrases I caught were ‘don’t know” and ‘you are’.”

Hunk concentrated a bit before offering, “I heard ‘how important’ and ‘to us’. “

“So, she was trying to say, ‘You don’t know how important you are to us’”, Keith pieced together.

Coran frowned, “Everything she was saying was a jumble like that. We should have a recording of it, to look at later. Right now we need to see what can be done for her. The last temperature was 104.5. Is there another compound we can try?”

“How long ago did it spike again?” Hunk frowned.

“At least two varga after we administered it. It’s been steadily rising.”

Hunk’s frown deepened as he checked the time. It had only been two and a half varga. He picked up a tablet and began scrolling. “Coran, how hard would it be to find these components?” Hunk handed the tablet over.

Coran scrutinized it, then shook his head, “Most of this we have. There are a few items that are hard to find and I’m not sure where we should even start looking.” At the defeated, concerned looks the others had he asked what he was most curious about, “What exactly was Number 5 doing before she fell ill? We haven’t encountered anything that should have affected any of you negatively.” 

“I figured she picked it up on that last planet. It was pretty damp and dreary. I know I was feeling run down after that. With how often she misses a decent night’s sleep because of her tinkering, I’m sure it’s lowered her immune system,” Lance suggested.

“She has been pouring over all that new information and trying to upgrade the Lions. Although, she was still running some tests on that Galra crystal.”

Coran’s head jerked sharply around as he stared at Hunk. “She’s been working with that since the attack?”

Hunk just nodded, “Yeah. She thought it might give us some ideas on how to disable them, whenever we run into the Galra again.”

Coran started pacing. There were several possibilities, none were very promising. He would have to check the crystal to be sure.

“What do you think it is Coran?” Shiro’s question brought him up short. After a moment’s debate he sighed.

“It may be there was something on the crystal that she picked up. It is also possible that the crystal’s power was slowly corrupting her quintessence.”

Lance shook his head quickly, “No. Her quintessence was low, but it was still green. There were swirls of other colors, but none of that weird purple or negative feelings.”

Coran nodded, “Then most likely there was something on the crystal that she caught.”

“She nicked herself on it a few days ago. It didn’t look bad and she said it was healing every time I asked,” Hunk pulled up Pidge’s left sleeve and showed them all a thin, shallow, red scrape, that looked a little angry but not serious. “It bled a little, but we washed it and wrapped it, after putting some of that cream on.”

Coran inspected it closely. He agreed it didn’t look serious. Shiro took the scanner to check Pidge again. He made sure to pass over the cut slowly. Nothing unusual showed up. Coran shook his head in exasperation. They would have to investigate this further, but right now Pidge’s temperature was rising, and they needed some cold water.

  

 

Pidge was almost asleep when she suddenly felt ice cold. She felt herself tugged quickly into the spirit realm. Blue was pacing frantically. The other lions paced around her anxiously. Blue showed Pidge the thick wall Lance had erected and she pawed at it in frustration. Blue dumped Lance's last few emotions and thoughts to her mind. Pidge staggered a bit. “Oh, no. This isn't good. How can I help?” She looked at all the lions. Blue was too focused on trying to paw through the ice wall ton notice. Green nudged her a bit, soft fur and cool nose making Pidge jump a bit. Green’s ideas flooded her mind. She tried to sort and discard them as quick as they came. It got too overwhelming and she stepped back. “Wait. Wait. Give me moment.”  

After collecting her thoughts, Pidge walked over to Blue and the wall. She placed her hand on it and tried to push against it. It stayed solid and immovable. She did get vague images but they were too obscured to make out. She could feel the ice getting even colder. It was obvious that Lance's mood was plummeting and he wasn't going to let anyone in anytime soon. Pidge paced a bit. Fine, this called for drastic measures. She walked over to Red.

“Look, I know we're not close,” Red seemed to rumble in amusement. A flash of her, Keith and Lance in the astral realm and her trying to make him feel loved. A flash of Keith's joy at being called a brother. A flash of her showing the others to work with the bond. Red rumbled her appreciation and nudged Pidge questioningly.

“Ok then. What are the chances of you being able to help break though?”

Red wandered over to the wall and stopped in front of Blue. After a few moments Blue stepped back. Red took stock of the wall, then looked at Pidge. Pidge came closer and understanding flooded her. She got as close as she could and placed her hand on it again, while keeping a hand on Blue. She poured love and caring into the wall. It held fast. As she concentrated, she felt Red curl around her leg and faintly Keith’s frustration at not understanding what happened. Yellow gently pushed under her other arm, helping to hold it up against the wall, while Hunk’s quintessence lent gentle support. Black seemed to curl around all of them, as Shiro’s concern and protective instincts floated by. Green curled up on her feet. She felt warmth, love and encouragement flow into her from the lions themselves and the others calmed a bit.  

Pidge pressed it into the wall, drilling down until she found a thread of Lance's energy and latched onto as hard as she could. She felt Blue’s energy surge through her hand into the bond. Before Pidge could let go of Blue, she was practically knocked over by the lash back of emotions and memories from Lance. It raced through her link to the others and she felt them still. Lance was still drowning in his memories too much to notice. They all took a moment to process what they were seeing and feeling. Pidge decided to keep this unusual link open until the others got to Lance and he noticed them. The lions seemed to agree, as none of them moved until Lance was aware and accepting comfort. Wary relief flooded them.

Pidge sent out a slightly irritated, “ _Don’t do that again!!”_ She threw the image of that thick icy wall and the immense sadness that she and Blue had felt. _“We’re here for you. ALL of you. We’re family now. You aren’t alone.”_ Warm energy enveloped everyone along with soft purring of the contented lions.

Red was the first to unwind from Pidge, slowly slipping away and allowing the connection to dull. Black was next, then Yellow. Blue stayed a few more ticks, sending a pulse of gratitude with a nuzzle to her hand. Green slowly got up and licked her face. Pidge giggled and petted Green's head. Green pulled her down and curled around her. Quite purring and comfort washed over her as she finally fell asleep.

 

In the lounge, the others noticed Pidge had relaxed all the way and had a soft smile on her face. They decided that it was best not to bother her now that she was finally asleep. Coran put some more washcloths on her head and tried to shoo the others to bed. No one wanted to leave again. This time they didn't try to touch Pidge, only stayed close to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leai! Tojinaide tú mismo! Shinaide kudasai bloquearnos! O ia lava kiite'nai. Oi kami mío. No, Īe, leai. Esto es mataʻutia.
> 
> No! (Samoan) Don't close (Japanese) yourself (Spanish)! Please don't (Japanese) block us out (Spanish)! He is (Samoan) not listening (Japanese). Oh (Samoan) my (Spanish) god (Japanese). No (Spanish), no (Japanese), no (Samoan). This is (Spanish) terrible (Samoan).
> 
>  
> 
> Baka! Tama vale!. Kare wa idota para pensar tatou mafaufau kare wa débiles. Eso fue matua faigata kodomo no naka o iku. Dare wo ikemasen fiaai de esa manera. Por favor ayudarlo. Matou te alolofa ia te oe! Kare ni rikai sa seru.
> 
> Idiot. (Japanese) Idiot boy! (Samoan) He is an (Japanese) idiot to think (Spanish) we think (Samoan) he is (Japanese) weak (Spanish). That was (Spanish) very difficult (Samoan) to go through as a child (Japanese). No one should be (Japanese) hungry (Samoan) that way (Spanish). Please help him (Spanish). We love you! (Samoan) Make him understand. (Japanese)
> 
>  
> 
> Estamos koko ni oe. Min'na. Watashitachidesu aiga ahora, No estás solo. Tu wakatte'nai le taua tele anata wa ia i matou.
> 
> We’re (Spanish) here for (Japanese) you. (Samoan) ALL of you. (Japanese) We’re (Japanese) family (Samoan) now.(Spanish) You aren’t alone (Spanish). You (Spanish) do not know (Japanese) how important (Samoan) you are (Japanese) to us.(Samoan)
> 
>  
> 
> As always kudos and comments are appreciated. Thanks again for sticking with me! Next chapter, more fallout from seeing everyone's secrets.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst with only a little fluff. 
> 
> Please read note for important information.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> This chapter was an absolute BEAR to deal with. I want to thank [ blood_ship ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blood_ship) and [ Lokiitama ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lokiitama) for the betas.
> 
> This one is Keith centric, and he decided that an angst bomb was the appropriate response to having his own chapter. Then the other characters decided that they had more to add after stalling for a few days.
> 
> There are some heavy themes again. I wasn't expecting this to happen. Again, this should be the only chapter to deal with it. Most of it is common Fanon, so it shouldn't surprise anyone. Unfortunately, due to the nature of this chapter I can't really add skips. It will be addressed in a general way in the next, so if these new warnings aren't something you can read, please feel free to skip. There is a fairly detailed description of a panic attack.
> 
>  
> 
> *******WARNING: past child abuse, anxiety, panic attacks. *********

         Keith stared at the ceiling. There was no way he was going to get to sleep now. His mind whirled with thoughts of earlier, making him feel restless. He had glossed over so much to try to help Lance. It was true that he had teachers and social workers looking out for him, but sometimes it took them awhile to notice there was an issue. He got blamed for so much because of his ‘temper’ that any other issues were waved away.  _ The echoes of past accusations rang in his ears. _ Fights were such a common thing because of all the bullying he endured.  _ He could almost feel the sting of the words and punches that had been thrown at him.  _ So what if his arm had gotten broken? Keith was always seen as the instigator.  _ He learned quickly he could only rely on himself. _ And ok, so he lied about how often he was denied food. And he totally understood a family not having enough for everyone. Phantom hunger panged at those thoughts, as he fought to keep breathing steady. He pushed everything down as hard as he could. Lance was too far gone to deal with that at the time and it was about making Lance feel better, not focusing on himself. He knew that Shiro and Hunk would notice the discrepancy in the shared memories soon enough. He hopes Lance never does.

 

Rolling over, he tried again to push back the memories and slow his now ragged breathing, as the arm that had been broken ached. He tried to shift a bit on the blankets they had laid on the floor by Pidge. The flood from the last time she pulled them under was still disconcerting. Knowing how bad Shiro felt and saw himself came as a shock. Keith knew some of it, but hadn’t realized the depth. That was going to be a talk they all needed to have with him. Seeing the memories of Shiro’s time with the Galra had been horrifying. He knew a thing or two about trying to survive, but nowhere near that extreme. It killed him that Shiro had to go through that. 

 

Keith could relate to the isolation Hunk and Pidge felt. He remembered too clearly being alone and ignored. He always tried to fade into the background now, after the emotional mess he had been when the first foster family hadn’t worked out. Hunk’s anxiety was a bit of a foreign concept to him, but at least he had a better idea of why Hunk felt that way. Pidge, well that was something they would have to talk about when she got better. She never mentioned the incident with Haxor or Rover. He always wondered what happened to the bot.

 

Thinking of Pidge just brought back the horrors of dealing with Sendak. Seeing her in Sendak’s hand. Hearing the creaking of her helmet as it was squeezed. The sheer terror on her face. It all sent hard shivers down his spine, as his blood turned to ice. Knowing how helpless he had been still haunted him. The memories of Hunk’s panicked face after they found him and Pidge floating in Green’s, almost silent hanger. Hearing about the foo goo going nuts, as Hunk tried to keep from breaking down. Lance locked in the airlock, his face a mask of abject horror. The labored breathing as Lance was laying so still, lit by the eerie violet of the crystal, after the explosion. The pile of memories made Keith’s already pounding heart race more. So helpless. He should be stronger! He should have been able to DO something! The reminder that he could lose these people sent him into a cold sweat. He struggled to regain control of his shaking body and ragged breathing. 

 

Suddenly, he was wrapped in a tight hug. Just as he was about to start thrashing, he felt Hunk’s calming warmth. Hunk had him draped sideway on his lap, with Keith’s head against his shoulder. Keith tried to re-focused on the others. Shiro and Lance had almost identical concerned expressions. Hunk was rocking him gently. He felt calm coming from all of them. He finally noticed Red poking at him a bit.

 

Shiro cautiously laid a hand gently on Keith’s shoulder. “It looked like you got lost in your memories and then... had a panic attack.”

 

Keith looked at him blankly. A panic attack? He’s never had one before, has he? 

 

Hunk slowly stops rocking and looks down at him. “Yeah, dude. It was almost a full one. I know what those are like.”

 

Keith blinked in surprise, suddenly nervous. “Will it happen again?”

 

Hunk shrugged. “It’s probably from all this psychic stuff. I’ve been feeling a lot more frustrated than I usually do. My guess is we’re just really in tune with the other’s issues right now. I mean, we totally... felt…what happened.”

 

Keith narrowed his eyes at Hunk’s hesitation and Shiro’s carefully blank expression. He felt wariness through the connection. Shiro and Hunk flinched a little at the disbelief he sent back through. Hunk held his gaze but Shiro’s face crumpled, tears threatening to fall. Lance only scowled at all of them as he stomped over, displeasure radiating off him. 

 

“Quit trying to hide it from him, he’ll find out soon enough," anger filled Lance’s voice as it flared across the bond, “We  _ saw _ and felt everything, just like before. Why did you lie to me?”

 

Keith only gaped at them. This wasn’t supposed to happen! No one was supposed to be able to delve in further. It was bad enough they saw the first time. They weren’t supposed to know how he really felt. Keith’s breathing picked up again at Lance’s dark look.

 

Lance bent down and leaned into his face more, still furious. “Why. Did. You. Lie?”

 

Keith opened his mouth, then shut it, quickly glancing at the others. Shiro looked hurt. Hunk tried to keep a neutral face, but disappointment peeked through. Swallowing hard, Keith tried to stay calm, but the words came out nervous as he flinched back, “I...I didn’t! I mean, I...I was trying to protect you!”

 

Lance’s eyes narrowed in disbelief. 

 

Keith was suddenly flung back into a barrage of memories from all the times he had been in this position before.  _ Foster parents assuming he lied after an explanation. Social workers demanding answers, disbelief on their faces at the ones he gave. Teachers and administrators looking at him with frustration after another fight. Condescending looks from classmates.  _ The fact that the others were looking at him like this filled him with dread. Panic set in again.  _ They were going to kick him off the team. They didn’t want him. Shiro didn’t want him. He had screwed up and wrecked everything. He was going to be alone again. _ He heard muffled conversation, but it didn’t seem important.

 

Warm arms tightened around him again. He felt someone running a hand through his hair. A powerful surge of  _ calmconcernregretembaressmentguiltcalm _ flowed over him. He blinked a few times to clear his sight as his thoughts slowed down. Lance still looked like a thundercloud, but he had backed up. Shiro’s ashen, remorseful face jarred him a bit, but he calmed as Shiro’s hand continued to run through his hair. Hunk’s dark, distressed eyes watched Keith carefully, “You with us now, buddy?”

 

Keith wanted to pull away and run, but he was far too exhausted, so he just nodded slightly.

 

“Good. Now take a deep breath for me and let it out slowly.”

 

After following Hunk’s instructions several more times, Keith felt more grounded. Hunk held him close. Shiro hadn’t stopped combing through his hair. Lance was sitting closer to Pidge’s head a short distance from them. Keith gazed at Shiro in confusion. 

 

Shiro finally realized Keith was looking at him and cleared his throat. “Keith,” he started brokenly, “I’m so sorry. We didn’t want to make you feel like that. It was just a shock to find out how much you kept from us. Lance... Lance, could have handled that better, but he’s right. We just wanted to know why.”

 

Lance had stiffened a bit at Shiro’s words, but his scowl stayed firmly in place. “Yeah Mullet, why all the secrecy? Can’t share with the rest of us? But you expect us to share with you?”

Keith flinched at the venom in Lance’s voice. This wasn’t something he was used to from Lance. His retaliatory comment died in his throat, as the panic threatened again. To his astonishment, Hunk spoke up, rubbing the bridge of his nose, “Ok, Lance that’s enough. I know you’re upset, but you saw what he went through.” Lance only frowned and turned away.

 

Keith closed his eyes to center himself. He need to do this. Finally, he exhaled slowly and opened them, not looking at anyone else. “Look Lance, my childhood was...pretty, messed up. You guys saw enough of it. I didn’t want to make things worse for you. You were having your own freak out. I mean, it’s over now. We were trying to help you, not focus on me. They aren’t things I like to think about or want to reminded of.” He let out a choked laugh, “Guess it’s too late for that now though.” 

 

Hunk squeezed him reassuringly as Shiro continued combing through his hair. Keith took an unsteady breath, “As for the rest, well you guys lived through it too. Shiro, you know I’m used to relying on myself. Learning you guys have my back… That has been a difficult experience for me. But between Sendak and the Castle, it was like the worst nightmare I ever had. Realizing I could lose you all….” he trailed off as he risked a glance up. 

 

Shiro had tears running down his face, while Hunk was looking at Keith in shock. Lance had slumped down into a hunched pile of sadness. He turned to at Keith as the story  ended, intense melancholy written all over his face. Keith held his gaze for a few moments before Lance finally scooted over and gently bumped their shoulders.

“You’re an idiot,” Lance sighed a bit, “I was freaking out because, I couldn’t handle how much I understood everyone. I’m sorry I got so angry.” Lance looked slightly confused, “I…I’m not really sure what that was. It was just such an intense rage…” He shrugged a bit, “I shouldn’t have lashed out at you like that. Especially being able to see what it was doing to you and why.”

Keith nodded, slowly letting out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. 

 

“Everything good now?” Hunk glanced between the two of them. Shiro slowly stopped running his hand through Keith’s hair. Keith shot Lance a nervous look. Lance just bumped his shoulder again, an easy smirk on his face, “I dunno Mullet, think you can keep from beating me up for being such an ass?” At Keith’s soft chuckle, Lance smiled wider, “Yeah Hunk. We’re good.” 

Keith shifted to sit up more as Hunk gradually loosened his hold. Shiro wiped at the tears and took his own fortifying breath. Once Keith was sitting all the way up, the atmosphere seemed to shift. Lance was back to joking around, Hunk seemed more relaxed and Shiro appeared to be embarrassed by his ‘overly emotional fit’. Keith was still a bit fuzzy about everything, but this had seemed pretty important.

 

 

Coran blinked in disbelief. Had that just happened?

  
  


Hunk had started to doze off when he heard the unmistakable sound of breathing getting ragged. He shifted over slowly to try to pinpoint it. He saw Lance on his side curled away from him, but close to Pidge’s left hand. After watching for a moment, he realized the sounds weren’t coming from that way. Hunk heard the shuffling of someone trying to get comfortable, fear spiking through the bond, as the breathing picked up again. A sharp inhale from across from him made Hunk lock eyes with Shiro, the shock and fear apparent.  _ Keith. _

 

Hunk looked up to where Keith was curled into a little ball on the floor by Pidge’s right hand. The anxiety pulsing through the bond was getting palpable. Shiro had crawled around to try to help somehow. Lance had felt the movements around him and slid over. Hunk got up slowly, but smoothly and swept Keith up a gentle, loose hug. 

 

As soon as he touched Keith the rush of feelings and memories swept them away. Hunk grit his teeth and dug in a bit to find an anchor for them. He felt Coran’s concern spike and latched onto that for a moment. It snapped him and the others back far enough that they could see and feel everything that Keith was going through, but not get overwhelmed by it again. As the emotional turmoil started to recede Hunk tightened his hold on Keith. He sent out as much reassurance as he could through the bond, while trying to ignore everything that had been revealed. 

 

Frustration, that he had been trying to keep in check, started to bubble up. Keith only seemed to sink down further into another bout of emotional havoc, his eyes a million miles away. He felt when Keith tensed, ready to fight. Hunk tightened his hold and kept sending calming reassurance to him. 

 

He wanted to sag in relief when Keith focused on Shiro and Lance. He kept rocking Keith gently as he tried to comprehend the panic attack. Hunk stopped when Keith caught his gaze. He tried to be gentle about everything but Hunk was worn out. He held Keith’s gaze and tried not to flinch when the disbelief pulsed back through the bond. Irritation pulsed in his mind when Lance erupted and then absolute displeasure when Keith spiraled down so much faster. 

 

At Keith’s uncommunicative gaze, Hunk snapped. “Damint, Lance! What the HELL were you thinking?”

 

“He lied to us! Why aren’t we good enough to know about him? He expects us to be open with him! How was I supposed to know-” Lance started to rage. Hunk cut him off curtly, not wanting to deal with Lance’s ridiculous fury.

 

“You  _ saw _ what he had gone through! You SHOULD have known. I don’t know what your issue is right now but you need to chill the hell out!”

 

Shiro watched wide eyed at the uncharacteristic flare up between them. “Lance, why don’t you give Hunk some space for a minute?” he tried quietly. Lance glared at him backed off.

 

Hunk took a calming breath. He noticed that Shiro had begun carding his hand through Keith’s hair in a soothing gesture. He sent out another pulse through the bond to hopefully calm Keith a bit more and gently squeezed him. Keith blearily focused but still seemed out of it. After coaching him through some breathing exercises, Hunk just held him protectively and let Shiro take the lead.

 

He noticed how odd it was to see and feel Shiro so emotional. He also kept a close eye on Lance, once Shiro drew Keith’s attention to him. Lance’s temper would have been of more concern to Hunk if he wasn’t so irritated by the whole thing. After Lance’s next outburst, Hunk couldn’t take it anymore. Lance turned away sulkily after his rebuke. Hunk tried not to let the fact that Keith was  _ willingly _ explaining what he felt shock him too much. It didn’t work. He squashed the concern when Lance slid over to Keith and bumped shoulders, but was still cautious. He was able to relax once he heard Keith laugh and Lance grinning. Something shifted and everything seemed to fall back into place. 

  
  
  


Hunk’s brow furrowed in deep thought. Shiro had a brief disagreement with Keith, trying to get Keith to go to his quarters to rest. Keith stubbornly refused and settled back in his spot by Pidge’s hand. In a few ticks he was asleep, worn out from the emotional rollercoaster. Lance had wandered over to the back wall and had been staring at it, as all of this was going on.  

 

Shiro sighed in defeat at the sight of Keith snoring softly. He could tell Hunk was just as exhausted. This had been weird. Well, ever since Pidge had gotten sick it had been weird, but this was extremely weird. Wearily rubbing his eyes he headed over to Lance, noticing Hunk had started to follow, still lost in thought. Lance gave no indication he had noticed them approach. 

 

Lance was trying to figure things out. He  _ was _ angry, and hurt, that Keith held so much back after seeing why Lance was such a mess. The white hot rage that consumed him earlier? _ That _ was not normal. He couldn't remember a time he had been that angry recently. A few times in the past, yes. But it was a very long time ago and he had learned to temper his anger. Now he rarely got deeply angry. This time? He was ready to start swinging. It sobered him, that he reacted like that. Even Hunk's uncharacteristic blow up hadn't been enough to calm him. It scared him to think what could have happened. He looked up to see Shiro and Hunk, concern and fear stirring. Shiro seemed to notice but Hunk was the one to speak. 

 

“Did either of you feel really weird before Keith calmed down all the way?”

 

Lance and Shiro's blinked in surprise. Hunk continued, “I know I was able to keep calm, which you know, isn't really my thing. I felt like a parent dealing with fighting kids and it was so frustrating! And no matter what I did-” Hunk stopped abruptly, realization dawning “Oh my god, Shiro! Is that how we make you feel?”

 

Shiro took a step back at Hunk's intense scrutiny. He was still a bit wrung out from dealing with the tsunami of emotions and information from earlier. He hadn't felt that deeply since he was very young. It scared him in so many ways. ‘Patience yields focus’ had been his mantra for a reason. He was used to compartmentalizing things. Being rational and calm. Logically reason his way through things. Or run on basic instincts. The time with the Galra had skewed the way he dealt with emotions overall. Too much emotion would get you killed. He been stoic for so long to survive, that being thrust into this group of lively cadets, DID have him feeling like a hapless teacher... or parent. As much as he tried to play it off, Pidge’s jab about him being a cranky father was pretty accurate. It wasn’t something he wanted the others to know though! 

 

Shiro desperately wanted to laugh Hunk’s realization off, but it came out as a strangled gasp. Lance and Hunk crumbled a bit at the noise, but it seemed to confirm something for them. He quickly cleared his throat and tried a different tactic, saying ruefully, “I’m sorry guys, I’m still feeling a bit adrift. I’m not used to feeling this much so clearly, deeply, or quickly. It’s been really overwhelming. I don’t know how you deal with this Lance, I-” Shiro gaped at Lance as the realization hit him.  

 

Shiro’s words sent Lance reeling. Shiro was just dumbfounded at the idea. Hunk looked as if his theory had been proven, but he was less than pleased by it.

 

“That’s what I thought. Now that we’re back to ourselves, it’s easier to see. Everyone was mirroring someone else’s emotional states. Lance and Keith were the easiest to see. Keith had my anxiety and Lance had Keith’s temper.” Hunk looked pointedly at Shiro but let it slide. 

 

Lance looked abashed and nervously questioned, “How often do you think this will happen?”

 

Coran cleared his throat, startling the others who had forgotten he was there, “ I believe it has to do with how worn out everyone is. You all have had more direct psychic contact than, I believe you, have ever had before. It has taken its toll. For right now, Number Four and Five have the correct idea. Get some sleep. Everyone seems sufficiently exhausted that there should be no more issues today.”

 

They exchanged a look. Hunk shook his head. “I think we’re all too keyed up right now. I’m...I’m going to make a snack. Anyone else hungry?”

 

Lance looked like he was going to agree, but Shiro interrupted, “I think we need to talk about this.”

 

Hunk’s face set in a scowl and Coran jumped in, “Actually Shiro, I think it would be best to wait to talk with the Princess and the others.”

 

Shiro grimmly nodded. Lance looked at him kindly, “I know it seems easier to deal with now, but Coran’s right. We don’t need to go over this twice. Plus the others will have insights we can’t see right now. It’s best if we try to process this right now.” 

 

Shiro took a deep breath, “You’re right. I’m just…”

 

Lance looped his arm through Shiro’s and Hunk did the same on the other side.    
  
“I think we need a few milkshakes and some cookies,” Hunk said firmly, as they steered Shiro to the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know that you think!
> 
> As you can see, Keith decided that he needed to angst as bad as Lance did. I swear these two and their rivalry. ;)


End file.
